This ten day countdown will be about how I feel during my last days of being in my thirties in which I may add was a good decade, I only wish I would have appreciated those ten years more.
Sometimes I have to pause during my thoughts of turning forty. FORTY? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was a young fresh face twenty something with bright eyes, taught skin, and zero to none body fat? Where did the days go where I could stay up all night watching movies, eating pizza and wake up the next morning without any hints of bags under my eyes? It's like I blinked twice and here I am staring down forty daring it to overtake my life. I can't say that I'm afraid of this milestone, but I kinda am. As I take inventory of the women forty and older, I'd be lying if I said I don't pay attention to the aging process and by paying attention, I mean I inwardly freak the fuck out. The panic of the inevitable.
People tell me all the time that I don't look my age, in fact I get told-and not just by my family and friends-but by strangers on the street, but I see it, the tell-tell signs of intricate lines that were invisible twenty years ago, and even though I'm an avid fitness guru spending hours upon hours a week to keep fit, my body tells me in subtle ways, "Girl we've got a long way to go!" Back in my twenties there wasn't any "long way to go" working out was a recreational thing, something I did because my body was already "hot". Now it's all about maintaining and the pain after a good workout doesn't quite feel like the beautiful burn I used to feel. My dear mother in-law would like to inform me more times than not that when I turn forty my metabolism will stop and I will get fat. My young hot bodied self would scoff and think you're just mad because you're so much older than me, my metabolism will be fine. You just watch! Now I can't so much as look at a Hostess Ding Dong without the fear of it putting extra pounds on me. My once recreational rendezvous at the gym has now become my means of survival. I'm not fat, but dear lord the work it takes to reverse my slowed down metabolism is a bitch!
I remember being in a limo with my husband's aunts on our way to a casino for one of their fiftieth birthday celebrations. I was thirty-five at the time and my husband made a comment about us turning fifty. I laughed haughtily and said, "Yeah but that's not for a long time." He busted my bubble quickly, informing me that we would be turning fifty in fifteen years. I remember shaking my head in pure denial trying to hold back the instant shock of the pure truth. Needless to say that realization buzz killed my desire to party and that's when it dawned on me; forty was in my plain sight. This blog sounds depressing I know, but I need to express these thoughts so I can face them head on. I need to evolve into this realm by owning what is to come so I don't wind up stuck in a time capsule wearing Forever 21 clothing for the rest of my days. We've all seen the people who are stuck in a time where they thought they looked or felt their best, you know the ones who still use Aqua Net hairspray on their teased bangs or still wears what looks like a jerri curl. Are those still around? I literally saw a woman who was forty plus with an eighties Joan Jett "I Love Rock and Roll" hair cut. I'm for real. I miss those days, but I want to really avoid staying there if you know what I mean.
Overall my soul feels young so this is what I lean on when my heart palpitates at the sheer thought of no turning back. There are days where I'm excited to get older because I feel like getting older means you get better. I see myself differently now, more sure of myself, less hesitant to say what's on my mind. I feel calmer, more in control than I've ever felt in my twenties and I don't cry at the drop of a dime anymore. I am bound and determined to age as gracefully as possible and I am open to accepting and loving myself unconditionally no matter what the outcome. I just pray this decade goes much slower than the last three or at least make sure I remember to cherish every moment that's given to me.
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