The Cost of the Quiet

This  morning, as I am coming into the day, I am reflecting on the notion of  wholeness and the cost one pays for fragmenting or fracturing oneself  from that completeness.

With this, in mind, the words of “Alfie," the song, ring through my mind.

“What’s it all about, Alfie? 

Is it just for the moment we live? 

What’s it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?

Also with this I am remembering how impacted I had been by the the suicide of L. Wren Scott, former girlfriend of Mick Jagger.

For months after I carried the fact of her death and what could be made of it, for those left behind, in a central part of me. 

Looking back my heart and soul must have been fully captured by the situation. 

I wrote blog articles about it and did, at least, three radio shows derived from it.

Searching  through archives on my computer, I find that that, while L. Wren Scott  died on March 7, 2014, I was still compelled to think intently about her  death in July of that year.  

Read my blog article of July 9, 2014, The Cost Of The Quiet, to see what I mean about how bound up in this incident I was.

I  find other blog articles on the death of L. Wren Scott, dating as far  back to March 24, 2014 and radios shows, beginning on March 29,  continuing forward to July 5, 2014.

Question: Why did this particular death by suicide upset me so much?

Answer: Because whatever was happening for me in the center of Washington’s darkness was bad enough for me to contemplate my own death by suicide.

Today I am giving much thought to this, as I continue, #Metoo,  to sort out the deluge coming out of Hollywood from the Harvey  Weinstein scandal, trying to regain my own sense of wholeness that feels  a bit fragmented these days.

Similarly  I had been captured, too, by the murder of Chandra Levy, former girlfriend of Congressman Gary Condit, And I wasn’t  even getting sexually harassed or abused, or in an affair with a  Congressman, or anyone else for that matter! 

Here, again, the dominant thought for me, in this situation, was “there by the grace of G-d go I.”

Listen to my stories that directly relate to my Washington fast track life that left me, thinking of suicide and  knowing how risky was life in that arena. And, get a hint of my back  story throughout the various articles on this site, especially under the  label of Hot Pants and Motorcycles.

Interestingly  "hints" are all you get when a person is hiding the whole truth;  another one of those costs of the quiet. Thus, you will find all kinds  of these, related to what I was not saying, scattered throughout this site.

Look to what is coming out, now, from Hollywood, if you have any doubt of that.

Here are three of my stories on my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show –

March 29, 2014 -- There By The Grace of G-d Go I -- A

March 30, 2014 -- There By The Grace of G-d Go I

July 5, 2014 -- The Cost Of The Quiet

Now think about this, if you will, for the thought for the day, derived from the Harvey Weinstein scandal etc. –

The  abuse of power in the hands of the power elite, mostly male, can drive  an innocent young woman to her destruction, especially if there is no  one with whom she feels safe enough to tell what is happening for her.

In  fact -- there is one the most serious costs accompanying the quiet;  there is almost no one to tell. So you carry it all by yourself while it  eats away at your soul!  

Here is an earlier article from October, 2013, that I wrote on this theme of power-over threats, There By The Grace of G-d Go I, long before L. Wren Scott's suicide.

For  us naive women, I think it illustrates how power over abuses by men can  almost be experienced as akin to same kind of threat as living under  Hitler when you get right down to it; a mortal threat!

So  what’s been happening in Hollywood to the young women who have been  victimized by the power brokers of that system and the culture created?

What has been their cost of the quiet?

We  must look hard at this for these particular, victimized women,  especially in this day and age of understanding Post Traumatic Stress  Syndrome (PTSD) and the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE).

I  grew up in Hollywood from age twelve on. I did not leave it behind  until I married at twenty-one. Today I am wondering if knowing Hollywood  games, as I watched them growing up, at the side of my father – and  seeing the price he paid in that arena, “Big fish in small pond in Ohio,  small fish in big pond in Hollywood," aided me in leaving the Washington games to save my soul.

Resilience, we are learning, is what allows an individual to overcome serious survival threats. 

The Hollywood women who survived Harvey Weinstein and others like him are incredibly resilient. 

And, winner survivors,  at that, as they have, not only survived assaults on their person hoods  and their livelihood. But they have also done remarkably well in coming  through these ordeals as true achievers of the highest brand.

What can we learn here, especially as women, about both the "Cost of The Quiet" and the will to survive, under extreme threat and pressure?

Now, it's all about #Metoo!

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