Tomorrow I go back to my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to attempt this whole let's-make-a-baby thing for the 3rd time. So far, me and ovulation-inducing medication do not agree, as in my ovaries could care less that Clomid is supposed to help make big follicles. The first two artificial insemination procedures were a complete bust. We found out my progesterone was so low there was no way I could have even held a pregnancy if I had become pregnant. We changed doctors after feeling like we were nothing more than a number and a big payout. This 3rd try means so much more for some reason. I will be taking a medication that has good success rates, but comes with the risk of overstimulation. That basically means I could end up with too many eggs and then have to cancel. Did I mention the medicine was $762? For this to fail would only be exclamated by that number. If it fails, we have to face the reality of IVF, which makes me nauseous to think about. It's so dangerous to go into this with a positive outlook. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I've always been the realist, knowing the chances are low. I am cautiously more optimistic about this, and I know it could be in my favor or could completely devastate me.
I know this is rambling, but infertility is something no one can understand unless they go through it. It tears at every inch of your heart and soul. There are days I just want to have a good cry and let all the emotions fertility medicine conjers out. I have 110% faith in God, and know that he will give me what he sees fit at the right time. I hope that in the mean time, I can continue to share my story and feelings and help those that are going through this same journey.
Prayers appreciated for tomorrow!
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