an apology

4 years ago

I'd like to take a moment to make a long overdue apology.

To my body.

Hey you,

I know we've had a rough go, you and I. We've been through a lot together. And I've got some things to say to you...

We've made countless trips to the book store, you and I, looking for new diets and secrets on weight loss. And if that wasn't enough, we went through countless web searches looking for "quick" and "easy" hints to attain this magic goal weight.

I am sorry.

We've counted calories. We've pushed ourselves at the gym. We've weighed in multiple times a week on that scale. All for some shred of evidence that the fight would be worth it. That it took all we had to make a difference in how we felt in a pair of jeans. To finally pull off that skirt.

I am sorry.

We've hated and cursed at ourselves.  We've avoided looking at reflections in the mirror. We've been comparing our body to every other body that may look more lean, toned, flawless...anything but our own.

I am sorry.

You didn't deserve this. You are wonderful to me. You've helped me grow two healthy, beautiful children. You were there for me during school, the late hours and early mornings. You've been there when I've worked night shift for two years, getting less and less sleep. You have been there for the 12 hour days on your feet. You've been there helping me be the wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend that I want to be.

Thank you for being there for me.

I promise I will do better. I promise that I won't be so thoughtless, careless, and dishonest toward you anymore. I promise that I will treat you the way you should be treated. You have given me so much, and now you deserve to be honored and valued.

I love you. And will strive to show you that each and every day. 

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