6 things I have learned about myself during the IVF process
1. I am Patient - I waited for insurance to be approved. I waited to be told to trigger. I waited to find out if it was a success. I still waited watch the numbers rise. I waited to watch the numbers fall. I waited to be told I could do another round to wait all over again.
There is no defining moment of Yes even if it comes and I have learned to be ok with this.
2. I'm great with needles - I have had my blood drawn probably close to 100 times! Watching HCG Rise and fall along with various other reasons I have become strangely ok with the whole needle blood drawing thing.
3. Even better with injecting myself - I will admit when the box first arrives and I open it up I still want to puke at the look of all the meds and needles. The thought of injecting myself was inconceivable. Who knew after my complete melt down the first night, I would become such and expert 1 year later! I much rather do it myself than have anyone else do it. I can do it just about anywhere now and in a flash!
4. How positive I actually am - After 2 losses I was still able to have such hope that this will all still work! Saying things like "I might be pregnant then" It so nice to know I can be so positive.
5. I can be a bit of a loner - I never thought I would be that person to slip out of a shower or birthday party early but low and behold I am guilty of this. Being asked if we are thinking about kids feels like a bullet to the chest. I dodge situations like crazy. I feel uncomfortable around sympathetic eyes. I wish this wasn't the case but most of the time I rather be home with my husband than at an event.
5. How much my husband loves me - Going through the emotional ups and downs together I have such love for my husband and know he will always be here for me. No matter what! HE has showed me love and support at my craziest hormonal moments. I have no doubt in the world of his love for me and appreciate him and us more than ever.
6. I love my life no matter what happens! - A journey down the road of in vitro will make anyone question the meaning of life. Why some people accidentally get pregnant were others even with the most assistance will never. Finding happiness without a child of our own is hard to think about but somewhere along the way I realized how lucky I am no matter what happens. A child will not bring me the happiness - I have found this happiness already!
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