I have yet to see this on Facebook (apparently my friends are more concerned with Nelson Mandela's death and rightly so) but I've been hearing about it ALL day. And from multiple sources. Then I found some blogs on it. It seems women all over are posting about their pregnancy experiences - things like I gained 41 pounds or I had wicked heartburn.
Why this bugs me so much is like an itch I can't quite scratch. It bugs me because the facts of my pregnancy (either pregnancy but the first one in particular) would likely not be seen as socially appropriate to post or talk about. But I feel like there are other reasons as well. Reasons I am unable to articulate at this moment.
Socially acceptable or not, I write about infertility so I'm going to put them out there.
- My first pregnancy was the result of a surprise IVF I was originally told I'd never be able to do because I didn't have enough eggs left.
- At 5w5d I had to get up four times in the night to pee. I was ecstatic about having symptoms so early.
- I was told I had a missed miscarriage when I went in for my first ultrasound at 6w6d.
- Then my beta HCG came back at 42k and I was instructed to proceed to the ER immediately.
- At 7w0d I had an emergency exploratory laparoscopy to locate the ectopic pregnancy that was undetectable by ultrasound.
- I spent 10 days in the hospital waiting for my beta HCG to drop enough to be out of danger for uterine rupture and hemorrhage.
- I was technically pregnant for six months.
- I required seven shots of a chemotherapy drug called methotrexate (MTX) to get un-pregnant.
- My beta HCG stalled/rose three times under 100 necessitating an additional shot of MTX each time.
- This resulted in an anxiety level the likes of which I had never experienced. I thought the pregnancy (and danger) would never end. The effects of this remain with me years later.
- Every time I got an MTX shot it felt like an abortion.
- I was carrying twins.
There you go.
I wish I could write about how much weight I gained or how awful reflux/heartburn was.
Innocence = lost.
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