Eye Joined Kosher.com

7 years ago

 

rabbi

This is a first for me.  I have heard Anthony Bourdain and his rants about Sandra Lee. (Food Network Canada does not air her show) and read numerous disdain about Rachel Ray and her cooking techniques.

I've often wondered how novice cooks get 'famous' when they have no actual cooking background except that they make good television and win out of thousands of other entries to go on a cooking game show.

But this video truly is a 'first'.

Watch it and and tell me – NO… answer me this question…..(after the video leap to the question)…

Keep in mind I am of ‘The Tribe’, so I feel totally comfortable in what I am going to show and what I am going to question…

 

 

 

SO WHO THE HELL BUYS FROZEN DICED ONIONS?

Only a Jewish girl.

"WHAT?  Garlic Shmarlick... who wants to smell like onions all night?"

"Feh!!"

WHO DESCRIBES A WINE LIKE THIS?

Only a Jewish girl

...because we don't drink.

If we do, it is so rare that our vocabulary does not extend to words like robust, Acidity, Brut, Cabernet Sauvignon, Tannins...words a Sommelier/Shikker might use...

Let it not be said, we don't know our prices.  Oh, but we do.

 

That is how we know to describe our wine..

"A Pre-Vineyard"

(this is either The name or a grape not yet grown on or in a 'vineyard?')

"

.oooohhh MUST be expensive...

 

(who knew Kosher wine could be bought as a Syrah...Manishewitz has come a long way since I said Di Fir Kashes)

 

Most probably it's the name of a Kosher wine and I don't know that because in Montreal our wine is sold at a government owned store and they stock practically no Kosher wines...

This wine, though...is

"like Hagoffin's Top of the Line ..Top of The Line..Top of The Line..."

when we say this three (3) times we mean really top of the line...

"and then like there are only 5 of them made (not literally)"

..so now the viewers know it is limited and anything made in limited quantities has to be really worth having 'cause it's limited as in not so many made because we assume it is so precious the producer wants to make sure only 5 people will drink it....

 

"JUST A FEW BOTTLES...JUST A FEW CASES MADE"

...to us a few bottles.. a few cases... it's the same thing: the key word here is 'few'...whether its bottles or cases is completely irrelevant.

 

"WHEN YOU DRINK THIS YOU ARE ACCEPTING NOTHING LESS THAN THE BEST"

... because G_d forbid you have or serve anything but the best...OY!

A broch tzu dir!

 

I am still trying to find out who or what Hagoffin is or isn’t

A chorbn!

and your mother-in-law would have every right to call you A shtik fleish mit tzvei eigen.

 

At this point I have stopped watching the video and have been writing this post.  I have not watched the gantseh megillah **

I am stuck on Jamie telling her audience that they can use frozen diced onions.

Jamie you are adorable and I can say that because I am older than you.  I probably have cooked a thousand more meals than you and I have the right to tell you that frozen onions have no bite.  Why would anyone use an onion if it has no bite?  What's more why would a cooking instructor instruct that?

WHO BUYS FROZEN DICED ONIONS?

OY VEY IZ MIR...A ZOCHEN VEY (oh my...it's a pity on you)

 

(so? I ask. wouldn't you like to know how I know about frozen onions????)

 

**whole thing

 

video care of Kosher.com and Jamie Geller

Disclaimer:

Indeed Jamie Geller has far more expertise on the subject of Kosher Cooking than I and am sure that given my age; she will indulge me this little bit of humour at her expense because as I have always believed if you can't laugh at yourself then you are giving yourself far more worthiness than you are truly due.  I am sure Jamie would laugh.

 

 

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