Woody Allen's Bullshit Pity-Party

4 years ago

The thing about being a survivor is it becomes exhausting to have to think/talk about it, especially if you have a better, happier life to think about now. Nevertheless, Woody Allen’s “rebuttal” of Dylan Farrow’s accusation was so vile, so reeking of self-absorbed narcissism, so full of his palpable bitchery, and so clearly the rambling self-pity of a child molester that I HAVE to respond. My rage won’t let me do anything else.

There are several factual points Dylan herself has already pointed out as evidence of Allen’s mendacious lies, but I am going to jump on this too.

From the first sentence he makes Dylan’s accusations even more plausible.  Allen says “TWENTY-ONE years ago, when I first heard Mia Farrow had accused me of child molestation, I found the idea so ludicrous I didn’t give it a second thought. We were involved in a terribly acrimonious breakup, with great enmity between us and a custody battle slowly gathering energy. The self-serving transparency of her malevolence seemed so obvious I didn’t even hire a lawyer to defend myself.”

Dismissing an accusation of child molestation out of hand is NOT the normal reaction of a man who doesn’t molest children. A normal reaction would be anger, freaking the fuck out, desperate concern for the child involved, or all of the above simultaneously. Claiming he waved it away as piffle is a strong indicator that he’s lying about his response even if he hadn’t raped his child. I’m also appalled he chose THAT response to defend himself. You know who acts like they should be above suspicion and assumes their gaslighting will always work? A narcissist. They have no clue their responses are abnormal, and they always assume there is no one smart enough to see through their bullshit.

As for the accusation of Mia Farrow’s “self-serving malevolence” – he forgets to mention that she was pissed he had fucked their daughter Soon Yi. Yes, I know he never adopted Soon Yi but she came into his life when her age wasn’t even in the double digits yet. He claims he didn’t take the accusations seriously in part because “I was in the blissful early stages of a happy new relationship with the woman I’d go on to marry”. You know, Mia Farrow’s daughter he helped raise for more than a decade. Look at Allen with his future wife:

woody soon-yi

Yeah, nothing creepy there.

Here’s a picture of Soon Yi with her mother in 1991, shortly before shit hit the fan:

mia-farrow-with-soon yi 1991

Yeah, Soon Yi doesn’t look young for her age at all. That’s the grow woman Allen was so blissful with, y’all.  Moreover, throughout the article Allen continues to excuse his relationship with Soon Yi. Only a true-blue narcissistic twatwaffle would keep bringing up and defending a sexual relationship with a child he helped raise like that was normal and Mia’s reaction of anger was so irrational that she brainwashed Dylan into believing he had sexually abused her.

He also, illogically, wants the reader to ignore the fact “the overall rate of false allegations during divorce to be about 9%, similar to the rate of false allegations at any other time … reviewed research that found a range of 1-5% for rates of deliberately false allegations, and 14-21% for mistaken allegations … Of female-initiated allegations, just 1.3% were deemed intentionally false by civil courts, compared with 21% when the man in the failed relationship brought similar allegations.”

If you had done your research, you narcissistic bunghole leakage, you would have known a better strategy was to claim Mia was mistaken and Dylan was inadvertently influenced.  That at least has some likelihood. The odds that Mia concocted the story and then implanted it in Dylan’s head are so small the knowledgeable reader is forced to deal with the fact there is a more than 98% chance your sorry, perverted, nasty ass is lying like the lying liar you are.  

Allen keeps on using his pie-hole to make lie-hole deeper. He claimed, “I was a 56-year-old man who had never before (or after) been accused of child molestation. I had been going out with Mia for 12 years and never in that time did she ever suggest to me anything resembling misconduct.”

Clearly Mr. Narcissistic Goat’s Taint doesn’t understand that we peons can fact check his ass on that.  It turns out that BEFORE his girlfriend saw the pornographic pictures of the child he had helped her raise “Allen had been in therapy for alleged inappropriate behavior toward Dylan with a child psychologist before the abuse allegation was presented to the authorities or made public.” Furthermore,  “Mia Farrow had instructed her babysitters that Allen was never to be left alone with Dylan.”

Then there is the little known fact that only “small percentage [of child molesters] may have a lifelong, exclusive attraction to children, and have little or no emotional interest in adult partners. The majority are not exclusively attracted to children, have adult emotional relationships, and have not molested multiple child victims”. Plus, you haven’t offended again and/or are probably not going to do it again because you know NO ONE would believe you about Dylan anymore. Good for Dylan, for stopping your disgusting predation.

I was also angered by  the classic gaslighting attempt when he wrote, “Dylan and took her immediately to a doctor to be examined. Dylan told the doctor she had not been molested. Mia then took Dylan out for ice cream, and when she came back with her the child had changed her story.” Okay, for one thing that is normal behavior for child victims of sexual assault. For another thing, he refers to Dylan – the daughter he supposedly loved/loves SOOOOOOOOO much, as “the child” not “my daughter”.  Finally, implying he is innocent because she “changed her story” is rich coming from him since “Allen changed his story about the attic where the abuse allegedly took place. First, Allen told investigators he had never been in the attic where the alleged abuse took place. After his hair was found on a painting in the attic, he admitted that he might have stuck his head in once or twice. A top investigator concluded that his account was not credible.”

Hmmmmm … that’s two easily verifiable lies from a man who was in his mid-fifties at the time v/s the normal behavior of a scared child. Who is the more believable witness? His dishonesty also makes anything he claims Mia Farrow said about him deeply suspect. The man is clearly willing to lie to make himself look better; why should we believe any of his bullshit?

Allen also attempts to defend himself by saying it was “illogical” for him to rape Dylan that day (I guess because child molestation is such an otherwise “logical” activity and not the impulse of a twisted cuntmonkey at all). Too bad he doesn’t mention the court documents where three adult witnesses swore under oath about events that day that corroborated Dylan’s account. I wonder how Mia Farrow implanted those memories in them? Woody doesn’t enlighten us.

In Woody Allen’s whinging defense of himself as the “real” victim he also trots out the fact that the “special investigative unit they relied on in such cases, the Child Sexual Abuse Clinic of the Yale-New Haven Hospital” found that he had not molested Dylan. He neglects to mention, of course, why the judge found the report iffy at best. The panel was two social workers and a doctor who never met Dylan Farrow even once before he signed off on the “Woody totes didn’t do it” opinion. That’s on top of the fact there were no notes, and nobody was willing to testify on Woody’s behalf.

Don’t worry! Woody has his OWN explanation of why the Judge Wilk didn’t believe the report. Woody bemoaned that “Justice Wilk was quite rough on me and never approved of my relationship with Soon-Yi”. Right, the judge wrote a 33 page diatribe of why you were a shitheel and the worst dad ever and Dylan needed to be protected from you ALL because of Soon Yi. Allen then goes on to say that it was the AGE DIFFERENCE that people thought was gross. No, asshat. It was the fact she was the teen daughter (we can do the math, BTW. There is no way you were sure she was 20, let alone in her “early twenties” when you started porking her) of your girlfriend, a young woman you had once tucked into bed with a teddy bear instead of your withered old cock, that the public found repellent.

Oh, and Woody thinks it is just mean of Mia to judge him when SHE isn’t perfect either. She had affairs and married a much older man once too! Granted, none of those people were the barely legal child of her partner, but Woody doesn’t see why something that silly matters. You can practically hear the son of a bitch pout.

Moses Farrow’s changed story that Woody is innocent is given yet another airing as well. Any expert will tell you that “Sadly, others in the relationship realm of the victim and offender often turn against the person making the report.” Thus, Moses Farrow’s account (which is contradicted by court witnesses) is not holy writ. It is, in truth, subjectively less reliable that Dylan’s. Lets look at some motivations Moses may have to have turned on his sister and mother. He may be a family therapist, but he wants to be an artistic photographer. He is always shilling his art (which is pretty good to be fair) on Twitter. Now, who do you think has the connections to help him out the most? His do-gooder mother or his still powerful daddy? How can he prove (since Dylan is being asked to prove the improvable) that there isn’t at least a subconscious motivation to turn on Farrow to please Woody? Or to punish the other siblings who have overshadowed him and still support Dylan? I mean, you could argue that sure Moses believes his dad didn’t do it, but how do we know Woody Allen didn’t brainwash him with tempting gifts and fiscal support? Do we just take the guy’s word for it? Why is his word more believable than Dylan’s? Other than his penis and his support of the patriarchal hegemony and status quo, that is. 

Let’s look at Moses Farrow’s claims in his own words, shall we?

“My mother drummed it into me to hate my father for tearing apart the family and sexually molesting my sister …And I hated him for her for years. I see now that this was a vengeful way to pay him back for falling in love with Soon-Yi … I think my sister is missing a great deal in life in not reconnecting with her father, who had always adored her," he says. "It’s important that she assert her independence from our mother and not go through life with the false impression that she has been molested by my father. I am very happy I have come into my own power, separating from my mother, which has led to a positive reunion with my father …”

Is it just me, or does a guy who describes his dad’s decision to start diddling Moses’s teenaged sister as falling in love seem a little biased in favor of Allen’s version of reality? Moses admits he hated his mother, is the only one of Mia’s 14  children to claim abusive behavior on her part (even Soon-Yi didn’t try that), and sees his rejection of his brilliant, talented mother as coming into his own power. Golly, that’s not creepy and suspicious at all. But by all means, claim Moses is telling the truth with no personal motivation for revenge on his mother. That only effects seven year old girls and vengeful female exes apparently.

Allen takes another go at Mia over her suggestion that Frank Sinatra was the real biological father of Ronan Farrow. He is really, truly appalled that he had to make child support payments for Frank’s child if that is so. He thinks Mia’s putative affair makes Mia a whore and somehow lessens the skankiness his affair with her teen daughter.  Mia is also a big ol’ liar because she might have “lied under oath and falsely represented Ronan as our son”. Well, under NY state law (and most other states) The legal dad in a child support case “is a biological father of a child born to unmarried parents, for whom paternity has been established by either the admission of the father or the agreement of the parents … [or] The man welcomed the child into his home and openly held the child out as his own … An acknowledged father must pay child support.” Woody, I gotta break it to ya; Mia did not lie when she called you Ronan’s father because legally you were even if you were biologically absent. It’s a little like how you tried to get custody of Dylan and had to pay child support for her even though she wasn’t your DNA carrier. You were on the hook for child support, jackass. Deal with it.

A very sniffy Allen then sulks, “I want to call attention to the integrity and honesty of a person who conducts her life like that” in regards to Mia Farrow’s mistakes. However, if her affairs negate her integrity and honesty, why do his affairs leave him totally trustworthy and not a liar? Want to have your cake and eat it too much, Woody?

Mia’s worse for cheating on him with her ex-husband than he was for humping the daughter he acted in loco parentis for? In what world? Oh, the narcissistic universe of MineMineMine. I see.

The great and powerful Dweeb of the East isn’t done yet, boys and girls. He says that “Now it’s 21 years later and Dylan has come forward with the accusations that the Yale experts investigated and found false. Plus a few little added creative flourishes that seem to have magically appeared during our 21-year estrangement.” Leaving aside that adult survivors feel more capable of dealing with their abuser when they are adults with adult perspectives (see the adult there?), who in the name of Christ and all His Apostles calls the details of rape “little creative flourishes”?? Allen whole argument is that Dylan only remembers being abused because her mother implanted the memories. That means that, at minimum, his daughter (that he swears he loves SOOOOOOO much) is being further tortured by his estranged ex-girlfriend. Fuck you in the earhole, Woody Allen, for being flippant about Dylan’s pain.

Of course, what do we expect of a man who made a JOKE about his wife’s rape when he was being interviewed by the papers? When asked if she had been violated, he said, “Knowing my ex-wife, it wasn’t a moving violation.”


He takes a few more sentences to slut shame Mia Farrow some more, and then he wails “One must ask, did Dylan even write the letter or was it at least guided by her mother? Does the letter really benefit Dylan or does it simply advance her mother’s shabby agenda? That is to hurt me with a smear. There is even a lame attempt to do professional damage by trying to involve movie stars, which smells a lot more like Mia than Dylan.” This isn’t even about Dylan, y’all. This is about hurting poor widdle Woody Allen according to Woody Allen.

Allen further wants to know “Would a mother who thought her 7-year-old daughter was sexually abused by a molester (a pretty horrific crime), give consent for a film clip of her to be used to honor the molester at the Golden Globes?” Apparently he’s never read a single sentence about the complexity and entanglements of families dealing with incestuous child abuse.

In the final paragraph Allen points out the real tragedy in all this, which is that Dylan “ has been cheated out of having a loving father and exploited by a mother more interested in her own festering anger than her daughter’s well-being”. Yes, that’s the most traumatic thing. That Dylan didn’t get to know the awesomeness that is her loving father and it is all that bitch Mia’s fault. It takes a deep-dyed narcissist to think the greatest trauma Dylan would be dealing with is not getting to be with him. Way to worry about her emotional well-being Woody. Especially since you say you love her SOOOOOOOO much.

As a dismount, Woody Allen wrote, “(This piece will be my final word on this entire matter and no one will be responding on my behalf to any further comments on it by any party. Enough people have been hurt.)” That is a passive aggressive masterpiece right there.  He is nobly not talking to spare “people” more pain, so just ignore the agony his callous and snide dismissal of Dylan’s “little creative flourishes” doubtlessly caused. If she writes anything else, he won’t say anything more about it because by Gum his is the final word on the subject. He said so, that’s why.

My God. I have seldom seen from top to bottom a more egregious rewriting of a narrative to cast himself as the real victim in all of this. His pain, inflicted on him by a vengeful lover using Dylan as a tool, is the real story in Woody Allen’s sad world. The actual drama is not Dylan’s nightmares but the fact he must suffer her and Mia’s impudence. His only concern about Dylan is that she has been used to smear him and she has therefore been deprived of his magnificence. The entirely of his response is the mewling cry of a narcissist who cannot believe he is being annoyed by these allegations or anyone is daring to question his reality. This puling mass of anus pus constantly repeats half-truths and distortions to make himself look innocent while expecting the reader to take his prattle about his abuse by Malevolent Mia and Deluded Dylan as gospel.

I thought I could not loathe him more.

Boy, did he show me the error of that assumption!

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