Democrats used to be fun.
They were the ones who believed in opinionated discussions, helping the underdog (usually with a beef and beer) and freedom of choice.
Now they believe that no one should be allowed to eat fried food, discuss energy policy that isn’t theirs or express dissenting opinions about a political candidate.
Next thing you know, they’ll ban beef and beers.
The Republicans used to be the ones who spoke in dulcet tones, helped the wealthy and believed that they were in a better position to make your choices for you.
Now, John McCain’s wife runs a beer company.
Democrats excoriated Karl Rove for handing out flip-flops at the Republican National Convention. Now they’re excoriating their own delegates for expressing opinions. They’ve developed response sheets for delegates, dictating what can be said and not said. If this were China, the dissenting delegates could simply be shipped off to re-education camp. But it’s not. It’s just a democratic demonstration of Olympian stupidity.
Nancy Pelosi shuts off the lights in Congress to forestall an open discussion of energy policy.
Bob Casey—the most anti-choice candidate around, is speaking out against John McCain.
John Kerry, who openly voted for the war in Iraq, is charging around the country telling us to vote for Obama because Obama didn’t vote for the war.
The political director of Colorado’s Democratic party demanded that an anti-Obama delegate present herself at party headquarters and explain her opinion (the next step being a re-education camp).
Joe Biden, who has more experience than John McCain, is running with a candidate with less experience than George Bush.
Obama told the 18 million voters who voted for Hillary Clinton that he respects them and then went to Berlin and campaigned for the German vote, giving them the love the Clinton supporters were looking for in Ohio.
Howard Dean has announced that he is prepared to seat the full delegations from Michigan and Florida, even though he spent 48 hours two months ago chairing a meeting and developing an obscure algebraic equation that would seat approximately half of them.
Obama has already submitted a plan for remaking the primary process in 2012, which should come as no surprise from a man who created his own presidential seal during the primaries.
Best of all, David Axelrod has been telling everyone who’s unhappy with the process that if you’re not with us, you’re against us.
Oh, no wait, that was Bush.
Obama and Axelrod are saying if you’re not with us you don’t believe in party unity.
China is looking positively liberal in comparison.
This country was founded on dissent and freedom of expression. The Founding Fathers were big proponents of dissent, which is how they became founding fathers.
They probably ate fried food, too. None of it purple.
They hung out in taverns while they were revolutionizing and didn’t need a sign on the wall listing trans-fats. They drank tankards of ale that came without warning labels. They argued, discussed and made compromises.
The Dems weren’t around when this county was created, but I always thought they represented the best intentions of its creators. Now they represent the Nanny state, attempting to exercise complete control over what delegates think and eat at the convention, what politicians think in Congress and what we, the street soldiers of the Democratic party, think at all moments (Flashcard: UNITY).
They’ve tried to exercise control over what the press thinks, by funneling thought bubbles to Frank Rich and Maureen Dowd, but the thoughts got lost in the word process-ing.
Frank and Maureen got lost, too.
I’m not saying I think the Republicans are a lot more fun to hang out with. I know they’re not because one of my sons has broken his arm during two different Republican national conventions and I was stuck in the waiting room each time with nothing to read and nothing to watch but the Republicans. I’m telling you, it makes watching water boil a viable alternative.
But at least this year their party is offering a range of voices—including those of Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman, pro-choice politician Tom Ridge, and two enormously successful businesswomen, Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina. All of them break the Republican mold, which may be why they’re speaking.
Over at the Democratic house there is a rigid adherence to the mold. And in case you forget what that is, workers will be circulating on the floor of the convention, ready to whip you back into your place.
The Democratic Party is over.
It’s runs its course and the hosts have run out of sustenance. They’re reheating platitudes and attitudes that leave a bitter taste in my mouth. So I’m leaving. It may be hard to find another party on the block since we seem to be limited to two main parties in this great country of ours. I may have to start my own.
If I do, I guarantee you this: fried foods and freedom of speech will be on the menu.
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