Why do I Watch this Crap? Ode to The Bachelor

4 years ago

Okay, as much as I hate to admit this, once again I've been sucked in to watching "The Bachelor".

Sean Lowe-Bachelor #864
Every season it’s the same:  I see the previews on television for weeks before the premiere and I say that I’m not going to watch it and I rattle off reasons why:
  • It’s a waste of time. (Oh, all the other things I could be doing during this time slot!)
  • I hate that they keep recycling contestants who didn’t “find love” the first time around. (Yeah, Brad, Emily, Kasie B and whoever else, I'm talking to you!)
  • I hate that the girls act like horny, desperate, man-crazed, idiots with no class. (Don't they care that their parents are going to watch the show?)
  • I hate that the contestants must be screened by some sexist pig.  (Most real-life girls don't look like that in bikinis, guys!)
  • I hate when the girls say, "Oh, so-and-so took me on an amazing date today!" (No. He. Didn't.  In real life you will never, ever be picked up in a helicopter.)
  • One out of five adults has an STD. (STAY OUT OF THE HOT TUB!)



But then the Monday night premiere roles around and I say, “I’m just going to watch the ladies get out of the limo.  I want to see their dresses and watch how many crazies there are!”  (Good Lord, there are always so many!)  Then, before I even realize it, two hours of my life is gone and I can’t wait for the following Monday night to roll around so I can watch the drama unfold!

It’s also immense fun to text your girlfriends during the show to see what they are thinking. It’s common to get texts that say things like: “Skank”, “Psychooooooo!”, “What the hell is she wearing?”,"He looks like a sloppy kisser.", and my personal favorite text from Ben Flajnik’s season:
“Is it just me of does he look like the Geico Caveman?”
Will the real Ben Flajnik please stand up?
The thing about being a closet Bachelor fan is that the show never really disappoints me because I don’t go into it with high expectations.  It’s just plain fun to sit back and watch people do and say things that no one in my inner circle of friends would ever have the balls to say. For instance, when was the last time you pulled a tie out of your cleavage and asked a guy you were meeting for the first time if he's read, “5o Shades of Grey’? 
Not the best way to land a man, ladies.
Remember this girl?  She did exactly that while I sat staring at the television screen slack-jawed and horrified. Who does that kind of stuff? Not me, and I seriously bet you don't either.
I can't wait for next Monday!
Admitting to a sick addiction, 
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