What The "Right" Has To Be Thankful For

10 years ago

I don't particularly like Thanksgiving. As a vegetarian, I'm about as excited for Turducken as most people are about vegetarians (although that whole vegan pumpkin pie from Bleeding Heart Bakery is all mine), have little to no tolerance for my extended family and I have to travel by Amtrak, which I tend to believe is a driving force behind my distaste for all things government-run. Last Thanksgiving, it hit a cow and my two ideological worlds collided.

Fantastic. I am so thrilled.

But that doesn't change that Thanksgiving is a fantastic time to sit back, watch the big lake-effect snowflakes come floating down out of the sky for hours and count the many blessings of the last year. Heck, we all wake up every morning. Starbucks is still (somewhat) in business. Even though the years of expensive gifts are over, we're all getting brand new socks and underwear for Christmas.

Life could be worse.

Which is what I've been telling my fellow conservatives and libertarians: life could be worse. Sure, we'll have four years of Barack Obama, but we'll also have four years of endless material. Sure, we're about to enter a second New Deal, but swing dancing and pin curls came out of the first one, and I've never had the chance to grow a turnip and I'd love to learn. I also hear olive drab is so in for next year, so the sudden onset of Communism should fall right on time.

I kid. Seriously. Listen, I don't have a lot to hang on to right now, okaaaaay? But here are a few things conservatives have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1. After this season, we'll no longer have to contemplate counterarguments and consider our position while watching Fox News during the entire span of its prime time lineup

2. A principled stand for against bailing out banks like AIG may, in fact, bring us one step closer to naked soccer players!

3. We finally have that excuse we needed to do some world traveling and/or world relocation.

4. The decision to no longer mandate fiscal (or any) responsibility in any situation may lead to student debt forgiveness.

And

5. We might finally have an excuse to get rid of Mike Huckabee once and for all.

In a not so tongue-in-cheek manner, let me say what we actually do have to be thankful for. We should be thankful that we live in a country that still holds tight to the principles on which it was built: freedom, liberty, opportunity, and for the most part, tolerance. We still live in the greatest country on Earth, where we are free to disagree or agree with each other without fear of repercussion, also for the most part. Although the election did not turn out the way we wanted, we now have an opportunity to step back, reassess, purge the movement of people who we've been looking to dump for a long time but needed to fully understand their problematic ways, return to our roots, re-examine our principles, and pick up and move on. We have an opportunity to adapt to the times and to be part of the future and not part of the past. Over the next few years, we'll fight each other for the soul of conservatism, but we should be thankful that we have a soul to fight over.

In the end, conservatives should be thankful for the thing that all Americans should be thankful for: we're here.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! And God Bless.

I can still say that.

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