I used to love the show “Full House” and watched it religiously when I was a kid. (By “when I was a kid” I mean now.)
I know good TV when I see it, and “Full House” is good TV.
My DVR is filled with sweet episodes of the crazy antics of the Tanner clan. From a creepy “uncle” who lived in the basement and was a “comedian” to the equally creepy “uncle” who lived in a child’s bedroom on the second floor, there was a lot of shit that went down in that house.
I used to think Joey was the creepy one rocking it out in his dungeon of stuffed animals and children’s toys in the basement, but now that I think about it, at least he had his own space down there.
Joey’s gig was much better than Uncle Jesse’s. That guy had no privacy living upstairs, just a bedroom away from enough make up and estrogen to make any tranny jealous.
Where do you think Uncle Jesse kept his stash of VHS tapes of porn? You know that guy was a dirty bird but had to be discreet.
The poor guy shared a wall with a toddler, and a bathroom with two pre-pubescent girls. His hair probably smelled like Tinkerbell shampoo, and his balls probably smelled like herpes.
Do herpes smell? I don’t know.
For some random reason, I got to thinking about what the neighbors had to think of that bat shit crazy house and what went on in there. Fortunately, I found a diary entry from one of the Tanner’s neighbors, and since I’m awesome like that, I decided to share the notes with you.
- Why are there so many grown men in one house? It’s not just that “Everywhere you look….there’s a face….of somebody who needs you,” it’s that every one of those faces are dudes, which is super creepy. It’s one big sausage fest over there.
- The music coming from that house is dreadful. I’m not sure if those two middle-aged dudes who always have their shirts tucked into their pants think they’re going to start a rock band, but they probably need to realize that music stars don’t usually rock out on their electric keyboards. Homeboys need to learn to lip sync…and learn how to wear a pair of Dockers.
- I swear they say they only have one small girl that lives there, but I know there are two girls who look alike and they just call both of them Michelle.
You're hooked and want to read the rest, right? Here it is! (SPOILER ALERT: Kimmy Gibbler is referenced!)
Lisa Newlin Embarrassing myself so you don't have to. You're welcome. http://lisanewlin.com
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