Today is the actual birthdate of the Fokker. Due to the place and time I was born, I am a Pisces not an Aquarius – but it was close. I have been stomping around planet earth for 42 years now and my skin is as loose as a Shar Pei’s in places. Seriously, this is what I look like when I sleep on my stomach:
I’m wrinkly, but I am so adorable.
So far I have received two truly awesome birthday gifts. First, Sweet Babou has officially become a “remote” employee, which means that he will be working from home 99% of the time. The commutes to Indianapolis will now be infrequent sources of stress to me, rather than regular sources of anxiety. Moreover, that is an extra 3 hours a day I will have with my Sweet Babou plus anytime I want I can go look at him in the home office. YAY Fokkers!!!
Secondly, my book is out!
Yes, Betty Fokker’s take on Feminism, Fat, and Fokking can now be yours for the low, low price of $2.99! I took some of my better blog posts, and combined/expanded/rewrote them into longer themes until I had made the opus that is now dazzling your eyes.
On a side note, I love this book cover. LOVE IT. Especially the feather and the coked-out look on the model’s face. Big shout out to the graphics department at Stump House Press, y’all.
For my birthday, I would be very grateful if you would buy my book and pimp it out to friends, family, and foes alike. It will be a couple of years before I have another book out under any of my pseudonyms, so this is your big chance to shill me. You’re welcome.
As the Pope of the Syncretic Church of Non-asshats, I bless you all.
More from entertainment