Sports Illustrated 3D Video of Swimsuit Issue Is Only Good For One Thing

6 years ago

The other day I was listening to the news on the radio and the reporter began talking about the new 3D video of the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As a woman, I've always found the swimsuit issue a little off-putting. I mean, I understand that it is a big seller. I get that the designers of this "swimwear" probably pay huge money to be featured. But let's be honest, none of these bathing suits are fit to race in. Hell, I'm not even sure you can get them all wet.

I like Sports Illustrated because I like sports. If wanted to see scantily clad women, I would pick up a Victoria's Secret catalog or look on the internet. But I am a big girl. Once a year I can roll my eyes when the mail comes, look through the thing, be filled with self-loathing and develop a new and improved eating disorder. But not my point!

I got to thinking about this 3D video. Why would you need (or want) a three-dimensional video of the shooting of the swimsuit issue? So I made a list.

1) masturbation
2) (Thinking. Thinking. Wait. Still thinking.)

There is no number two. The only possible reason to want a 3D version of the Swimsuit Issue is to get off. I hope you are proud, Sports Illustrated.

Now, just to be clear -- I have no problem with pornography. AS LONG AS YOU MAN UP AND CALL IT WHAT IT IS. Let porn be porn. I propose Sports Illustrated (who already have SI Kids, SI.com, and Sports Illustrated Almanac) launch Sports Illustrated Porn. You can have high-rent, naked models and we can stop pretending it has anything to do with sports. Plus they could make a killing! Just have the credit card statement say Sports Illustrated and the 3D swimsuit DVD can be your subscription gift. Easy peasy. We can stop pretending that this is about swimwear or sports. A naked model and a tire pretending to advertise swimwear.


Let's call a spade a spade. The 30 minute 3D video of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue is high end soft core pornography. And at $ 7.99 it is a pretty good deal.

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Sarah can also be found at Sarah and the Goon Squad and Draft Day Suit.

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