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Hollywood is in countdown mode in preparation for the 82nd Academy Awards, airing Sunday, March 7. You can almost hear the rip of wax strips and tweezers all the way from L.A, can't you?
The shuffling of index cards as the nominees prepare to thank their beloveds and beloved politicos, just in case? Oh, to be a fly on Tarantino's wall as he plots the siege he hopes to take. To hear Tom Ford's detailed melancholic observations on the process. To watch Penelope Cruz try on dress after lovely dress, still searching for just the right cleavage to cradle her bosom for the evening.
Alas, I will not be there.
But, a close second: I'll have the best seat in the house via social media, because I'll be sitting next to the legions of smart and funny stargazers who watch the Oscars en masse. Some start as early as the red carpet pre-show and tweet or comment thread their bad selves on through the last orchestral strains. As charming as I hope hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be (oh, please, hear my prayers and make these boys funny or the night will be long indeed), I know that the comments I find online will be infinitely more entertaining. Pop culture? Fashion? Art? Media? The Academy Awards is all of that, and bloggers consume it all, reflect, analyze, dissect, snark, metabolize and -- wham -- instantaneously turn that sucker inside out in 140 or less.
Like I said, second best seat in the house. The best seat would be in between Colin Firth and Meryl Streep. But second best is a pretty sweet sandwich too, between Chatter and Twitter and checking on my favorite entertainment websites after the party.
To get warmed up, I checked in on some of my favorite po-mo award show social media mo-fos to get their pre-Oscar thoughts.SUZY SORO
L.A. comedian Suzy Soro blogs with authority, insider knowledge and a healthy slug of bitterness at Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die.
What are you wearing Oscar night? An orange jumpsuit. (See next question.)
What will you be eating and drinking? Takeout food and water. My sister runs her place like a minimum security prison.
Who would you put money on for Best Actress? Sandra Bullock just because it's "her turn." Hollywood is run like the second grade.
Best Actor? Jeff Bridges because everyone says so.
Best Film? If I didn't want The Hurt Locker to win, then I need to throw away my Betty Friedan Handbook.
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? It's Hollywood, they're all in time out.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? Meryl Streep, who is always dressed by someone's dead grandmother.
Favorite John Hughes film? Ferris Bueller's Day Off. When Matthew Broderick comes out of his bathroom with a towel on his head I laugh every time.
Where will you be? I'll be watching with my sister and live tweeting from her place in Santa Monica. I can never watch the Oscars with more than one other person because people DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.BOSSY
As John Cusack's probably-favorite girlfriend, Bossy knows Hollywood like nobody's business. She blogs at Alpha Mom and at her homebase, i am bossy, where you can read all about her (No) Book Tour 2010. Now THAT is the kind of media savvy you want to sit next to.
What are you wearing Oscar night? Bossy will be wearing a Great Dane stole. Oh wait, that's not a stole, that's just errant dog hair.
What will you be eating and drinking? Yes. Both. Bossy's alcohol will have alcohol in it. And the food will be wrapped in other food and plunged into sauces made from pureed food.
Who would you put money on for Best Actress? Bossy would put money on Meryl Streep for best actress, but only because the others are too skinny and the money would just slide right off.
Best Actor? Bossy would put money on George Clooney. Not because he delivered the best performance. But because Bossy knows right where she would tuck that money on George Clooney and Is it hot in here?
Best Film? Bossy's Very Educated Guess for Best Film goes to Avatar, where educated guess equals She didn't see any of the movies and is therefore selecting the only film name she thinks she saw on a friend's Facebook page once.
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? Bossy would put Colin Firth in Timeout for Bad Behavior. But only if Bossy could go too.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? Bossy isn't sure who will be wearing the fugliest dress, but the Fugliest Mess award will go to Woody Harrelson.
Favorite John Hughes film? Sixteen Candles, which coincidentally Bossy sports on her own birthday cake! Sixteen times two plus a handful.
Where will you be? Bossy will be with her friends and family at her friend or family's house, trying to pretend as if she isn't tweeting under the coffee table.JULIE ROSS GODAR
Julie is BlogHer.com's managing editor, so she's up on everything and down with some delicious Oscar night BlogHer Chatter right here Sunday night. Everyone is welcome. I wouldn't miss it!
What will you be eating and drinking? Drink: There Will Be Bloody Marys (I reverted to 2007, because I don't think I'm up to a drink called The Blind Side this year.) Food: A Serious Ham.
Who would you put money on for Best Actress? Best Actor? Best Film? Sadly, I've only seen 5 of the 10 nominees. Maybe I'll hit the multiplex tomorrow night.
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? I'm miffed with the Academy for not nominating In the Loop for more things.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? You can always count on Sandra Bullock to bring the fugly.TEAM MAMAPOP
Team MamaPop, helmed by bloggers Sweetney and Amalah plus at least one glittery unicorn, hangs out in an open thread on Oscar night. You can also find them in their new, plush Sparkle Motion community den of pop culture links and hijinx. They keep their keen eyes on the lengenday tiger of starwhackery year-round, so grab a seat in their row when you can. Some of the minds of the MamaPop Collective shared their Academic plans with me.
What are you wearing Oscar night? Kelly: If I'm feeling fancy, then jeans and whatever hideous sweater I've mercifully stopped subjecting the public to and have retired to my housebound attire. If not, then I'll be wearing pajamas. I have a pair of pajamas that say, "Glamour!" all over them, so I might bust those out since it's a special occasion. Considering all of this, I don't see how I won't get laid on Sunday.
What will you be eating and drinking? Adam: Froot Loops and vodka.
Who would you put money on for Best Actress? Stacy: Mariah Carey's mustache (Precious).
Best Actor? Amber: I heard it's totally, for sure, a lock-up for Jeff Bridges, but they said that last year about Michey Rourke. I'd personally like to see Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) win. I'd also like to see him naked.
Best Film? Kurt: The Hurt Locker, because Avatar already won it when it was called Dances With Wolves. Double Jeopardy.
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? Miss Banshee: James Cameron is in permanent time-out for being the King of the Douchenozzles.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? Schmutzie: I had a dream with Vera Farmiga in it, and she was dressed atrociously. I bet she wears something akin to a fish suit.
Favorite John Hughes film? Jason: You know, the one where the kids are all angry and they get jealous of each other and fall in love, with the parents that don't care about the parties. The one with the great soundtrack. I can't remember the name offhand.
Where will you be? Two Busy: The gently snoring carcass of my wife on the couch, the nighttime cries of my children upstairs, and the warm and tender embrace of my laptop on my... uh... lap, through which I will connect to the world through MamaPop's award-winning thread of Academy Award Winning Awards.DEVRA RENNER
What are you wearing Oscar night? In preparation for the Oscars, I Netflixed every episode of the Rachel Zoe Project to help me decide what to wear on Oscar night. I am going to shut it down in this designer look, which, I literally wore while I watched every episode of The Rachel Zoe Project. I know! Bananas!
What will you be eating and drinking? Jews + Sunday Night = Chinese Food.
Who would you put money on for Best Actor? We are casting a vanity vote for Jeremy Renner. With a name like Renner, he's got to be good.
Best Film? Hands down: UP!
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? Morgan Freeman for pulling a "Woody Allen." Ugh.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? Diane Keaton. It is possible, out of respect for MJ, she may only wear one glove this year.
Favorite John Hughes film? I have a three way tie: Vacation, Sixteen Candles and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Additionally, I would like to dedicate my performance -- in the Sheraton Hotel lobby at BlogHer '09 -- of "Bear Down Arizona" to Mr. Hughes.
Where will you be? We will be at home in Northern Virginia, the husband, the 9 and 14 year-old sons and our cat Miles Chai. While it hasn't yet been confirmed, there is a possibility Miles will be Catbooking the Oscars, he's still going over the paperwork with his legal team and trying to broker a deal with Animal Planet.TRISH BENDIX
Blogger and author Trish Bendix is the whip-smart blog editor of MTV and LOGO's After Ellen site. An expert on the nexus of pop and lesbian and gay culture, she knows the real thing, how queer that real and/or fake thing is, and then some. You totally want to sit next to her.
What are you wearing Oscar night? Most likely my yoga pants, a tank top, and an oversized American Apparel sweater. Not sure on the bra yet.
What will you be eating and drinking? Depending on the imbibing I do this weekend, I will most likely be drinking some red wine. Something in the $10-$14 range, though I honestly can't tell the difference between that and a Yellow Tail.
Who would you put money on for Best Actress? I loved Carey Mulligan in An Education, but I think Sandra Bullock will win for The Blind Side. Meryl and Helen are kind of in that "You know you are awesome" category now where even if they don't win, they have the pleasure of knowing they are winners at life. Let Sandra Bullock feel that for once!
Best Actor? Jeff Bridges will win, but I would be so pleased if Colin Firth won for A Single Man.
Best Film? I would be happy with An Education, Precious or Hurt Locker, but I think it's going to go to Avatar. I really want to see Kathryn Bigelow win for Best Director, at any rate.
Are any nominees in Timeout For Bad Behavior with you? I wasn't into Avatar. It was like an overly-expensive reimagined Fern Gully. Also, James Cameron is kind of a douchebag.
Who will wear the fugliest dress, you just know it? James Cameron.
Favorite John Hughes film? Of all time? Oh god -- that is difficult. I love Uncle Buck, Breakfast Club, Weird Science, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation -- it's too difficult to pick just one. I do have to say that I have never seen Some Kind of Wonderful, which needs to be remedied, stat.
Where will you be? I'll be with my partner and her two cats. My pugs are at my ex's this week. We're totally gay. I will also tweet things that upset or please me.
So what about you? Is your ballot and snack stash ready? Will you Chatter with us here at BlogHer on Sunday night? Add your Twitter tag along with your thoughts and plans in the comments.
Deb Rox blogs at Deb on the Rocks and she'll be here in BlogHer Chatter Sunday night, rain or shine, rooting for Colin and Gabby, fighting the good fight for more popcorn and 20-second speech limits for James Cameron. Follow her on Twitter!
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