A Shore Thing, Now With More Snooki Snex

6 years ago

Let's get this out of the way just in case you missed the news that Snooki got a book deal and has a book out in the world despite the fact that last year she reportedly tweeted the exciting news that she was reading her first book. A Shore Thing was released on January 4 and people have been talking about it ever since.

Those of us who know people who are trying to get their books published, or are trying themselves, could easily get frustrated by yet another celebrity getting a publishing deal. It would be easy. As a post at Book Madam & Associates points out, there's a certain futility in hating Snooki.

The "idea" of this book is for everyone to trash it loudly and continuously for a week or two, then buy it for their friends as a gag gift. That’s about it. Possibly there are also fans of the show will stand up, put on shoes, drive to a bookstore, and buy a book instead of, I don’t know, Old Spice, or a Nissan. But not instead of another book.

Except for the most hardcore Snook fans there's really only one thing do with a book like A Shore Thing -- let yourself be amused by it. People have been doing a bang up job at that. First Smart Bitch Sarah liveblogged it, something I shall always be thankful for as now I never have to read it. I was able to read the gems that she picked out, laughed, learned much about the art of the pouf and pondered why on earth anyone would say that you could cut a salami with someone's abs.

Then Ellen read from it.

I have to confess that I've never watched Jersey Shore but I've heard enough about it to know that sex isn't exactly a topic that they shy away from. Imagine everyone's shock that the book doesn't include a sex scene! There was only one way to remedy that. The Smart Bitches launched the Write the Snooki Snex Scene Contest.

So how can there NOT be a sex scene when the noble heroines, Gia and Bella, finally hook up with the gorillas of their dreams?! I and all the people reading with me were looking forward to the possibilities of what words, phrases or alliteratertive wonderment Snooki and her ghostwriter, Valerie Frankel, would use to describe The Deed. But no, it was fade to black, next scene with naked sweaty people. There’s one mention of a nipple. What is this, Sweet Valley High with poufs?

The challenge was simple. Write a 200 word (or less) sex scene that best fits Snooki's writing style. There was a prize for the best written but the biggest prize is for the us, the readers. The finalists in the Snooki Snex Contest were posted over the weekend and I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. You absolutely do not want to be drinking or eating anything while reading these. Also if you are a pickle or clam chowder fan proceed with caution -- you may not ever look at them the same ever again.

The entries contain such gems as:

"His eight pack reminded her of the underside of a lobster."


"He had abs you could cut a Jersey Mike’s sub on. Not a regular either. A giant on wheat with pepperoni and extra prosciuttini."

As I mentioned I've never watched Jersey Shore but I have to give many thanks to Snooki. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Have you read Snooki's book A Shore Thing?

Contributing Editor Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads. No poufs were harmed in the writing of this post.

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