I've got good news and bad news about The A-Team movie, which released this weekend.
The bad news is that there are only two reasons to watch this mess. The first reason might be that you can stare at Bradley Cooper's crazy eyes and naked torso if you like that kind of thing, though, truthfully you would be better off watching The Hangover again (and again) if Cooperizing is your goal.
The second reason to sit through the A-Team pyro-extravaganza is if you agreed to see the movie as part of a heinous deal gone wrong: you let your date pick the movie because you wanted to pick the restaurant. If that was the case, poor you. Even if you ordered an extra cocktail and double tiramisu, you were in the red on that deal.
Because the bad news is that The A-Team is bad. I'm not against mindless "blow 'em up real good fun" in general, but couldn't finish watching it. and I doubt that the second half emerged triumphant from the beaten shell of the first lap. The A-Team is not just mindless, it's mind-numbing.
So that's a lot of bad news. The good news? Sure, the movie is lousy, but it provides the perfect excuse for a trip down '80s memory lane in honor of the original NBC megahit. Classic '80s cheese, the television show offered the good kind of mindless plot lines as our four rogue heroes served as Solider of Fortune Robin Hoods after escaping a wrongful sentence to military prison. But no bars could hold Face, Murdock, B.A and his massive bling, or their mastermind Hannibal; no bad guys could elude them; no hot woman could resist them. (By hot, I mean '80s hot, with baby-oil tans and shoulder pads in silk shirts, and oh, the hair on those women!)
The A-Team's oft-repeated catchphrase, "I love it when a plan comes together," sums up the satisfactory hit the show provided. Someone on your case? Call the A-Team. I pity the fool. Done and done. The episodes were usually centered around the plight of their client of the week, and the show was driven by characters and action more than any narrative of the team's journey. The backbone of the show was a lofty moral code centered on truth and justice and helping a generation de-vilify Vietnam War vets. With babes, ammo and cultural appropriation sprinkled throughout!
Hulu's got you covered if you want ride with the original Team for a few hours. For a classic '80s cult paranoia theme, see "Children of Jamestown," where the guys rescue a young girl from the evil hands of off-brand religious mind control:
Want to see just how cheesy and coarse the '80s could be? Try "The Crystal Skull", where Murdock is revered as a god by hula-dancing (31:00) diamond-mining natives:
The serious side is found in the "Sound of Thunder" episode, when the team returns to Vietnam to try to prove their innocence:
But the movie? Forget about the movie. The original A-Team has: Mr. T complained it's too violent; Dirk Benedict regretted his cameo appearance. George Peppard is, of course, dead, so he dodged this bullet all together. My suggestion is that you follow his lead. When has he let you down before?
Do you remember watching the A-Team? Is your brother regretting that your mother sold his A-Team action figures in the legendary yard sale of '92? Or is Mr. T and company news to you?
Contributing Editor Deb Rox is a product of the '80s and has the Ms. Pac-Man skills to prove it. Here's an Easter Egg for you just because you read this bio note: Guess who guest-starred in The A-Team episode "Cowboy George?"That's right -- Boy George. I KNOW!
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