I interrupt my regularly-scheduled programming for something a little bit different. You see, I have an inexplicable affection for terrible Lifetime movies and other bad television. In fact, if you follow me on Twitter, my afternoon Tweets (during naptime) are usually full of sarcastic observations about Beverly Hills 90210 reruns and made for TV movies. I thought it might be fun to do a tongue in cheek review of particularly rotten movies here. Mostly because it’s my blog and it’s what I want to do, but also because I think you’ll enjoy it. So here we go!
My first selection for this new and irregular feature is the new made for TV movie, Cyberstalker, starring Mischa Barton. It originally aired on Lifetime Movie Network on Friday, September 14th 2012. But I DVR’d it and watched it on Sunday because that’s how I roll.
The movie opens in 1999. We watch as a shadowy figure creeps around a house, taking photos of young Aiden’s things. While the creeper is still creeping, a family pulls up to the house, in some sort of argument with their obviously rebellious daughter. Obvious because she has blue-streaked hair and rolls her eyes a lot. As Aiden goes up to her room, her mother calls upstairs after her “Don’t be on that computer!” This was the early days of the Interwebz, you see, and lots of shady business went on in chat rooms even then. So we as viewers know the creeper is still in the house. Aiden’s parents realize something is wrong and call the police and there are a few tense moments as you think Aiden is going to walk in on him in her closet. Instead, he sneaks out of Aiden’s window and comes back in downstairs and murders both of Aiden’s parents just as Detective Page shows up.
We then flash forward to 13 years later, which is interesting only because the characters continue to refer to the passing of time incorrectly. Detective Page is stewing over the cold homicide case of Aiden’s parents’, so his partner looks her up on some kind of Facebook/MySpace generic hybrid social network and finds her. We get a little old traditional cop/new-fangled technology cop banter as they disagree on methods but then they agree that this isn’t Aiden’s real profile, the killer must have made it to try and track her down. The police track her down through some computer program created by this nerdy hacker guy in a wheelchair, Jack Dayton from Cybercrimetics (*eyeroll*), that the police are working with to solve this cold case. It magically finds her artwork and traces it to her in Philadelphia.
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