A Normal Woman's Guide to the Oscars

5 years ago

It's Oscar Time! Take my excitement for what it is: a mumbled sentence.  My plane ride yesterday + an accidental overdose of Benadryl has left me a trainwreck today.  Ughhhh....

Here it is: Your normal girl's guide to the Oscars. I am not an industry insider. I haven't seen all the nominees.  I do not own a designer dress. "Designer" for me means something from The Gap.

Here we go:

 We'll just start out by saying it's hard for me to take anything other than Les Mis seriously.  I would be okay if tomorrow night was just Seth McFarlene handing out statues to anyone involved in Les Mis, all while the entire audience sings "One Day More"  on repeat, with Christian Bale as Marius.

 I'm just saying, that's what I would like to see. But no one listens to me.

 Unfortunately, it's not going to be like that. Here's what's going to happen.  Daniel Day Lewis will win for Lincoln, not Hugh Jackman. I've talked to three people now who saw Lincoln and Les Mis and all of them said that Hugh should get it.  Can we just be honest? If Day-Lewis is in a movie, he's going to win an Oscar.  Every four years, he appears to make a movie, get an Oscar and returns to his wizard cave.  He should be exempt. And I get the feeling that he really could care less about it. He's awesome, he knows it, and a little gold statue isn't going to do anything but take up space on his overflowing mantle.

I say give it to Hugh Jackman. He can act. He can sing.  He's Wolverine. How can it even be a contest?

 Of the Oscar nominees for Best Picture, I've seen Argo, Life of Pi, Zero Dark Thirty and Les Mis. Here's my thoughts on those.

 Argo:  I just saw this tonight!  Was it a bundle of anxiety and excellent film making? Absolutely!  I was on the edge of my seat the entire time.  Do I feel like it stands up to Les Mis, or Life of Pi or Zero Dark Thirty? Not really.  But Ben Affleck is doing amazing things, and I feel like he should have gotten a Best Director nod.  Boo. 



Life of Pi: If there was any movie that could give Les Mis a run for it's money, it's Life of Pi.  Life of Pi, seen on a big screen, in 3-D was ABSOLUTELY amazing. The textures, the colors, the water - it was an EXPERIENCE.   Everything looked so real - it put Avatar to shame.  Not only that, but I can't imagine a tougher book to adapt. "Let's see...we need an ocean, a tiger and a heaping portion of different religions..."  Ang Lee SHOULD win Best Director for this and Life of Pi deserves to sweep the creative categories.  I read somewhere that they are re-releasing this in some theaters for the Oscars. If you haven't seen it, treat yourself to an visually stimulating, powerful story. GO SEE IT!


Zero Dark Thirty:  I'm not sure how I felt about this movie.  Do I think it deserves to be nominated? Yes.  Should Jessica Chastain possibly win for her unflinching yet vulnerable performance? Yes.   Was it unsettling in the best sort of way? Yes. I walked away disturbed and sort of depressed. You know it's a good movie when it really unhinges your emotions.  Still, it doesn't really compare to...

 Les Mis: Um...THE BEST MOVIE EVER. See my review here.

 My other predictions:

Best Picture: Who I Hope Will Win: Les Mis OR Life of Pi. Who Will Win:  Lincoln

Best Actress:  Who I Hope Will Win: Jess Chastain. Who Will win: Jennifer Lawrence. (Love her though.)

Best Supporting Actress:  Who I Hope Will Win: Anne Hathaway,  Who Will Win: Anne Hawthaway. Are you kidding? Her non-stop shot of "I Dreamed a Dream" broke my heart into a thousand pieces. She was the very picture of misery.

Best Actor: Who I Hope Will Win: Hugh Jackman. Who Will Win: Flippin' Daniel Day-Lewis.

Best Supporting Actor:   Who  Win: Since I haven't seen any of the performances here, I'm going to say, give it to Philip Seymour Hoffman. Seriously, he's good in EVERYTHING. Who Will Win: Probably Tommy Lee Jones.  Because he's grumpy.

 Other random Oscar thoughts:


 -I hope that Wreck It-Ralph takes the Best Animated Oscar from Brave. Honestly, I was not that impressed with Brave. I thought it had a weird, too-scary-story-for-kids and while it was cute, it was not up to the standards set by Wall-E and Finding Nemo. Wreck It-Ralph actually brought tears to my eyes and was visually explosive. It's time for Pixar to take a year off from all their non-stop wins. They don't deserve it this year.

 - In the music category, this is going to be a showdown between the new song "Suddenly", written for Les Mis and Adele's Skyfall. As much as I love Les Mis, that song was just okay. It fit fine, but it it took up like four minutes in an already long movie just so they could be an Oscar contender. "Skyfall" is a FABULOUS song and it captures everything that's great about the new and the old Bond. Win for Adele!

 - Other Oscars that I think Les Mis should win: Best Costume (The ribbon in Cosette's hair and the uniforms of the student revolutionaries absolutely kill me.).  Best Make-Up:  Hugh Jackman went from being a desolaute convict to a handsome mayor to a concerned father to a dying old man. And it all looked believable.  Oscar!

 And here's some of my own awards that I'd like to distribute:



- Biggest Waste of my Time Award: Snow White and the Huntsman

- Riddled with Plot Holes But Still Great Award:  The Dark Knight Rises

- Riddled with Plot Holes and Not That Great Award: The Avengers

- Best Performance of a Burrito Award: Burrito thrown at Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect

Best Use of Pyrex and Fun Vintage-y Stuff Award: Moonrise Kingdom

- Best Performance of Blue Eyes Award: Tie between Russell Crowe in Les Mis and Daniel Craig in Skyfall

- Made Me Super Uncomfortable Watching Award: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Movie

- Most Exciting Trailer for Next Year Award: The Great Gatsby

 I'll be watching tomorrow night. Will you?



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