My Mom Is Leaving Dad for Jay-Z

6 years ago
Mom: I saw that Jay-Z on TV the other day. He seems like a very intelligent, well-rounded man. I like him.
 
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
 

When I was young and rebellious, I could always count on one type of music to annoy my parents. And that music was rap.

Remember what rap was like before Jay-Z?

Here’s just a sampling of songs that made my parents cringe. Dad’s comments are in bold.

 

Ninja Rap

  • “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice: Alright, stop, collaborate, and listen.
  • “You Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer: Stop. Hammer time….
  • “Fight For Your Right” by Beastie Boys: You wake up late for school and you don’t wanna go…. Oh you’re going to school, young lady.
  • “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…. At least this sounds Biblical.
  • “Jump Around” by House of Pain: Get up, stand up, come on throw your hands up…. Sit down. Sit on your hands.
  •  ”I Wish” by Skee Lo: I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller….

And then there were the rap songs about butts:

  • “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot: Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt….
  • “Rump Shaker” by Wreck N Effectz: All I wanna do is a zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom…. There will be none of that till you’re married.
  • “Shoop” by Salt N’ Pepa: Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that….

My mom’s interest in rap has me worried. If parents can like rap, what music will children use to annoy their parents?

Looks like the answer is sheer volume.

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