Mad Men's Betty Draper's Intervention with Vogue's Diet Mom

5 years ago

A fictional scene between Mad Men's Betty Draper and Vogue's Diet Mom Dara Lynn-Weiss, who recently had an article in Vogue's April issue about how she helped her 7 year old daughter go on a diet and lose weight. ~LD

Betty is in the kitchen following snack time with her daughter. Ice cream sundaes. After her daughter stopped eating (leaving about 2/3 of the dessert untouched) and left the room, Betty finished it off herself. It didn't stop there for Betty, though, who proceeded to get up in a 2 sundae stupor, open the fridge and make a cheese sandwich on plain Wonder Bread. She returns to the kitchen table and starts dozing in and out of awareness.

Enter Vogue's Diet Mom, Dara Lynn-Weiss.

DLW: Betty? Betty! WAKE UP!

Betty: What. Hello. Who are you?

DLW: I'm just a mom from the future who recently saved her daughter from a life of obesity-induced misery and landed on the cover of Vogue. That's all. Betty, I know you aren't aware of all the health issues associated with obesity. But I do know one thing you understand is pretty. And, at your current weight, you're just not pretty. You're not hot, you're not fashionable, you're not worthy of your wardrobe, nothing. It's time to wake up. I know things haven't been easy for you. Your husband is banging a breathtaking brunette --

Betty: They're married now.

DLW: Yes.

Betty: She speaks French.

DLW: (sigh) The worst.

Betty: Thank you.

DLW: So are you going to let that be an excuse to go gaga over French toast? Look. I successfully engineered and facilitated my 7 year old daughter's weight loss. Ugh, between you and me, she was revolting. I couldn't look at her anymore. After a few months of some policing, haha, you know what I mean, she looks ravishing. We made the cover of Vogue!!!!!!! I can do that for you?

Betty: Vogue. Oh, that's very kind of you. Well, it would be wonderful. My daughter doesn't have the appetite that I do now. I'm so worried about setting a poor example for her --

DLW: I know. You can turn this right around. I would start by eliminating all food.

Betty: All food?

DLW: Yes. You're not 7. You're - how old are you?

Betty: I prefer not to reveal my age.

DLW: Ok, well. You have a few years on you now and your body's been through some stress. Now, I am from the future. So, rather than suggest you devise some concoction of lemon and water, I brought you a case of liquid juices. You can start a cleanse.

Betty: Oh, that's kind of you but I don't think it will hel--

DLW: Oh, come on now, Betty! Wake up and smell the zoo bee zoo bee dooooo...

Betty: Huh?

DLW: Oh, right. You weren't at the party.

Betty: No.

DLW: Don's new wife performed a very

Betty stands to make herself another cheese sandwich on Wonder Bread.


Betty eats.


Betty looks at DLW with what could've been an icy stare but her eyes are more like two little puddles of rain water, glassy from the concentration of carbohydrates in her system.

Betty: I'm going to sleep now.

DLW: But -- Vogue -- the cover. I can get you there, Betty.

Betty: Perhaps. Tomorrow is another day. Please come back.

Betty turns to leave.

Betty: Oh, and please leave the juice. Good night.

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