Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris: The Wedding is Off, GASP!

6 years ago

In what can either be described as the most shocking or most expected news ever, the wedding of Hugh Hefner, 85, and Crystal Harris, I don't know...4, has been called off, a mere five days before the planned nuptials were to take place at Hefner's infamous Playboy Mansion. 

I know, I don't know what I am going to do with my wedding gift either, unless I luck out and my second cousin also registers for a custom made Swarovski Crystal Anal Bead Chandelier. 

Courtesy Zuma Press

Sources claim Harris called off the wedding after a nasty fight this past weekend between the couple over the phone, and by phone, I assume they mean telegram. 

I'm not sure if Hefner got tired of explaining how daylight savings time works and spelling out words like p-r-e-n-u-p every time his lawyer called, or if Harris got sick of eating dinner at 4:30 or being Not Holly. 

Maybe the two to three year commitment freaked her out a little, none of us can be sure, but, I'm always a little bit sad when Hollywood couples bite the dust. 

Hefner confirmed the news on his Twitter account, or mini electronic haunted typewriter, 15 minutes ago, stating

"The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart."

Harris is also visibly shaken up by the news, taking to the internet to grief tweet links to her new single, Club Queen. 

Oh Hef, they say music heals the heart and soothes the soul.

Or boobies. 

Whatever.

 

____________

Brittany Gibbons

I say funny things.

BarefootFoodie.com

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