The rumor mill is buzzing with word of Snooki’s alleged pregnancy and possible engagement to Jionni LaVelle -- which she confirmed on March 7. Quite honestly, I don’t care. I can proudly say that I have never watched a minute of Jersey Shore, though I know too much about it because my husband somehow became addicted. The only reason I am choosing to address the now-confirmed-rumors is this: Snooki’s ex-boyfriend, Emilio Masello, apparently wished for the reality TV star to have a miscarriage.
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TMZ decided it was necessary to share this story, though I still don’t know why. Apparently Masella was quoted saying: “I hope for her sake ... not to be rude or anything ... but I hope she has a miscarriage." Without knowing the reasons that these two broke up in the first place, I can still safely say it’s because he’s somewhat lacking in the compassion and common sense departments. To give him credit, he at least had enough common sense -- or a decent PR rep holding the phone to his ear -- to attempt to retract the statement, but he still doesn’t think she should have the baby.
I don’t care who you are, what your relationship is or was to any woman: wishing a miscarriage on her is one of the cruelest, most asinine things you could possibly wish. Miscarriages are devastating. They are physically painful. They are emotionally draining. They leave a woman -- a mother -- doubting herself, her body and every choice she has ever made leading up to that point. Miscarriages also present the risk of complication, though rare, via a uterine infection. And did I mention that they are just simply devastating?
It doesn’t matter if Snooki’s pregnancy was planned or not. The unexpected loss of a baby can wreak havoc on a woman’s heart and mind, whether that child was planned for or was unintended. I know this personally. Six months after our oldest son was born, I went to the OBGYN with weird symptoms and ended up finding out, in the same visit, that I had been pregnant -- and no longer was pregnant. My cycle had never re-started after the delivery of our older son, so it was a huge shock to my system... and my heart. I grieved, rather hard, especially as I was dealing with postpartum depression and an awfully full life.
A few things were said to me during that time that I will never forget, even though I have tried. I was told that I shouldn’t be sad because I didn’t even know. I was told that I was acting ridiculous when so many other mothers go through so much more. I wept onto my husband who was also sad. We are two people who love a child the minute we know about that child. We felt the loss keenly.
That experience taught me a lot about myself, my husband and the compassion we need to have for those who lose a child at any point, in whatever way. Which is why I cannot stand what Snooki’s ex-boyfriend said about her pregnancy.
I won’t pretend that Snooki is a role model for all mothers-to-be. The little I do know about her doesn't lend itself to visions of the Virgin Mother, though she has promised to stop peeing off porches. However, even if there is a question as to the paternity of the child, as Masella claims, it doesn’t mean that Snooki deserves to lose her child via miscarriage. It doesn’t mean that she should have to go through the physical and emotional turmoil that slam into a mother’s heart, head and womb. It doesn’t even mean that she’s going to be a less-than-perfect mother, though we all are imperfect mothers. Maybe Snooki has some growing up to do. I did -- every single time I became pregnant, I grew in ways I didn’t know that I needed to grow. I changed in ways I didn’t know I needed to change. I became the woman I needed to be -- the mother I needed to be -- over time.
If you want to wish anything for -- or on -- Snooki, wish that she grows in the ways she needs to grow as well. Motherhood changes people whether they parent, place or lose a child. It changes views and goals and ideals and thoughts and fears and perspective and priorities. But don’t wish a miscarriage on this girl just because she’s immature or has bad hair or lives a reality TV lifestyle that you think is inappropriate. You could, quite simply, wish her a happy, healthy, uneventful pregnancy.
Now what you can wish on this Masella guy? Wish that somehow, without ever having to experience such a devastating loss on his own, that he can understand how harmful his wish truly was to Snooki and every other young (or old!) mother.
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