How Martha Stewart Gave Me The Heisman

6 years ago

I just got the Heisman from Martha Stewart.

Take a look at that fine piece of football history for a second. See the pose the dude is striking? He’s all, “I want nothing to do with you, evil opponent. Talk to the hand. You suck football ass and I rock.”

The Heisman Backstory

In 1998, I was at Club Med in Sonora Bay, Mexico. It was the day I met my husband: June 3. A bunch of us single-folk were celebrating the first day of our vacations getting to know one another.

My now-husband and his best friend regaled us with stories of getting rejected by girls. When they were flat out, utterly dissed by a girl, they said she “gave me the Heisman.”

And that became the running joke of the week. I have pictures of all of us single peeps posing just like that bronze trophy up there.

The Heisman is not just a football trophy. It is, in my world, anyway, the universal symbol for Major Diss.

Martha Was My Buddy

While my blog is not named after Martha Stewart, like some of my friends’ blogs are, I am absolutely over the moon for her Everyday Food recipes. I make her ice cream sandwiches. I make her one bowl chocolate cake. I make her penne alla norma. Her curried zucchini soup. I’ve nearly cooked my way through both Fresh Flavor Fast and Great Food Fast and blogged about each.and.every.recipe.

I even got a retweet by the @Everydayfood account once for blogging about her cashew chicken recipe. I was in Twitter heaven. I thought my uber-successful bloggy career had begun! What could be next? An appearance on her show where I demonstrate how to make your own twine, perhaps?

So I didn’t think I was all that out of line in applying to run ads for Martha’s Circle.

Martha’s Circle is an ad network for advertisers to work with lifestyle blogs and websites that are screened by Martha’s thugs editors. The websites chosen can be focused on home, kids, food and entertaining.

So, you know, seeing that I blog Martha recipes AT LEAST twice a month, if not more…and that I blog AT LEAST once  a week about food generally…and that on most other days I blog about KIDS…that I would be a pretty good choice.

And my pageviews and visitors aren’t that shabby for a new blog the size of mine, either.

Or maybe not.

Martha Gives Heisman

Because yesterday, I got this email:

I know you can’t read that. It says, “I have found your application in my spam folder carefully reviewed your application. I want nothing to do with you, evil KludgyMom. Talk to the hand. You suck lifestyle bloggy ass and I rock. Hugs, Martha.”

She should have just sent me this. Because I would have gotten the message loud and clear:

And that is how Martha Stewart gave me the Heisman.

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