When last we left Glee, Kurt had returned to New Directions, Finnchel (aka Finn + Rachel) tanked Nationals with a public kiss, and Blaine and Kurt professed their love to each other.
And then we spent the summer watching behind the scenes drama run amok on Twitter. Trouty Mouth peaces out! Finn, Rachel and Kurt get axed after this season! (Psych, no they're not. Maybe.)
Finnchel Courtesy of FOX
The season premiere has everyone back after a crushing defeat at Nationals. Except, you know, the ones who aren't.
Lauren Zizes has moved on to greener pastures. Sam moved out of state. Quinn is MIA -- only to turn up, hair chopped and channeling Desperately Seeking Susan meets a dirty smoking hippie who hangs out with a group of outcasts called the Skanks and has a Ryan Seacrest tramp stamp.
Finn is having a inner-monologue mid-teen crisis. Who is he? What will his future hold? Why do we still not know if he and Kurt share a room and have bunk beds?
Sue, experiencing a down cycle of Glee love, has decided to run for political office on the platform of cutting funding for the arts.
Will and Emma are dating -- nay, living together. It's as awkward as you are picturing it in your head right now.
Santana and Brittany are back on the Cheerios for their senior year.
And Kurt and Rachel are hell-bent on solidifying their New York City Musical future, with flashy prop-filled numbers.
This episode is centered around recruiting members to make up for the fallen, and in the endless circus of Coach Will Schuester's mind, he's decided to place artistically painted pianos around school, inciting musical outbursts from club members in an attempt to lure in new members like jazz-handed sirens.
Normally, I would be down with this, but, as is a thankfully rare Glee occurrence, I wasn't feeling any of the dated musical numbers they dazzled us with.
We Got the Beat.
You Can't Stop the Beat.
Can someone beat me in the face...with a hammer...but maybe snap your fingers while you are doing it, so it feels more, you know, in theme?
And the students weren't feeling it either, save for Blaine -- transferring into McKinley (shocking) -- and a tone-deaf cornfield socialite, no one auditioned.
In fact, the group lost a member after Santana lit a piano on fire in a Sue-incited act of vandalism and was banned from glee club.
To be honest, I am not sure where Glee is headed this season, and I can only assume this is where the winners of the Glee reality show I didn't watch come in, to worm their way into our hearts like Saved by the Bell: The New Class, before our favorites graduate and move on.
A.C. Slater forever.
I say funny things.
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