It's time to prep your Bingo cards, get your drinking game lists ready, and charge up your iPad for heavy red-carpet Tweeting action. The Primetime Emmy Awards air Sunday night.
The nominees are getting ready. I'm not sure what they are up to, but it probably entails travel, a lot of waxing, a little couture fitting and careful transcription of gratitude-filled acceptance speeches onto index cards using sweat-proof ink. (Perhaps some are even booking a last-minute consultation with acting coach JA,N.)
So at home, we need to get ready too.
Pick a Team Roster
This year is so rich with winning series that it's going to be hard to select winners in each category. What sort of horrible Sophie's Choice is it to have to choose between Jon Hamm, Bryan Cranston, Michael C. Hall and Steve Buscemi for the Lead Actor in a Drama Series Award? How in the world can I only root for EITHER Glenn Close OR Julianna Margulies for the Lead Actress in a Drama Series Award? It's like trying to pick your favorite Muppet or maintain lifelong lipgloss monogomy.
And don't even talk to me about the Outstanding Drama category. It's insane. Breaking Bad, Homeland, Boardwalk Empire, Downton Abbey, Mad Men and Game of Mother Effing Thrones! This is the worst/best Fight Club in period costume ever. Mad Men is going for a record-breaking five wins in this category, but PBS' Downton Abbey is poised for a primetime chimney sweep. Bring it!
It's a little easier to pick sides in the Comedy categories. Competing for top honors are Girls, VEEP, Curb Your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock, Big Bang Theory and Modern Family.
I'm totally into VEEP for the win. I know Girls has a strong support base and gets major props given Lena Dunham's groundbreaking career, but I spend the entirety of each episode cringing and willing the characters to please grow up so I find it more exhausting than comedic. Thus, I'm cheering for grown-up ultra-talented Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series on principle. Similarly, I'm 100% behind Louis CK winning for Lead Actor. This season of Louis was absolutely brilliant. He's breaking television boundaries left and right, and I hope he's duly rewarded.
Prepare Your Environment
I think the best you can do to get ready for Sunday is to pick a team and purchase your snacks/lay out your wardrobe accordingly. I'm down to these choices.
Team Breaking Bad: convenience store chips and piles of pizza Pinkman-style, blue Koolaid or curacao cocktail and/or blue drug of choice; wear white underwear and a sunburn
Team Downton: lukewarm cream soup, Pimm's Cup cocktails; wear fascinators, elbow gloves and a glowering expression
Team Mad Men: martinis with olives; wear peignoir set and his fedora while purring as one does while preparing to bust open the partriarchy
Team Game of Thrones: mulled wine, mutton; watch with someone who has given you permission to rip off her bodice of someone who has the nod to rip off your bodice
Things You Can't Plan For, i.e. Nominees I Hope Attend and Say or Do Something Wild
Woody Harrelson, Jessica Lange, Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy, Kathy Bates and Denis O'Hare.
Plan a Bathroom /Popcorn Popping Break
I plan to skip the Reality Show categories. Unless Tim Gunn is there, meh.
Tell me what you think. What terms are you putting on your Bingo card? Will Kimmel make political jokes or will the Emmy's stay non-partisan? Is this televised awards show about television "TV worth watching?" Will you weep along with me if Jon Hamm shows up in a scruffy beard or if Matthew Perry is allowed to speak? Will I see you on Twitter?
[Editor's Note: We'll be adding #BHPop to our tweets so you can find us!]