Forums: Helpers or -icks?

6 years ago

 I love forums.

They are my digital lifeline.

Nearly all helpers in forums are intelligent, experienced, helpful, patient, and likable. Not to mention beneficent for taking time out daily to lead the blind.


These forum gods and goddesses are the kind of people us newbies worship more than celebs.

When they die, we will be at their funerals crying hysterically. No one will be able to console us.

But then there are the -icks (fill in the blank with whichever letter you like – ‘d’… ‘pr’…whatever).

-Icks are forum experts from Hell.

Luckily, they are few and far between but when they rear their -icky heads, they can make you feel like a hairy Neanderthal banging out digital kinks with a club.

-Icks are, I am convinced, direct descendants of Joe & Jane Ahole from Prickville, Kissmyassland.

In Prickville, everyone is extraordinarily left-brain evolved, but blatantly deficient in the most rudimentary social skills. They give answers that begin with, “Sigh,” and “Everyone knows…,” and “Common sense dictates…”

They have usernames like ‘yruanidiot,’ ‘iknomorethanulmao,’ and ‘ihavesuperpowers&udontsobitemedumbass.’


Forum answers from -icks boast impressive knowledge of all things digital in language which only an inbred Prickville relative can decipher. God help the dumb-ass who replies, “I don’t understand.”

Ground beef, anyone?

Here’s what I’d like -icks to know:

1. We know you think we’re morons. You make that very clear. We. Get. It.

2. You are already a god in our dumb-ass eyes. You don’t have to grind us to dust to prove it.

3. Yes, there are areas in which we are brain-dead. That’s why we’re sucking on yours. No need to choke us with it.

4. Repeating the same incomprehensible language in all caps, italicized, or prefaced by “I just explained that,” does not clarify anything for us. It just makes us want to see you fall into a wood chipper.

For all other forum gods & goddesses…rock on! We love ya!

But could you reel in your -ick brethren?

What’s you experience in forums?

Have you been -icked?


I blog at Here's the original Forums post.

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