Dancing with the Stars Recap: The Top 11 Need to Move Fast

The Quick Step and Jive will do that to you!

After losing Mr. Metta World Peace, there's no rest for the wicked on Dancing With the Stars. This is the week of the dreaded Quick Step and killer Jive. Dances safe for neither man nor beast. They dig right in. And so will I.

Image: ABC

1. Hope and Maks danced a Jive

Hmmm, that wasn't so good, was it? She was hopelessly off-beat throughout most of the song. So they weren't in sync at all. And the outfit. let's not talk about it. OK, let's talk about it a little. It made her look very gawky and made it crystal clear she never straightened her legs, not even for her flicks and kicks. After a promising beginning last week, this was a step back. No likee. She could be at risk.

2. Kristin and Mark danced a Quick Step

That was quite scintillating and adorable. Could have been a little bit more quicktep quickness (and they could have actually shown their feet more, what up camera person???) but overall I thought it really worked. Yes, yes, they "broke hold," 'cause Mark's whole dealio is that he's a ballroom rebel. But even so: She should be safe.

3. David and Kym danced a Jive

Kind of quirkily adorable. He's pretty gawky, and he didn't have the jive technique it's true, but he actually did the steps he was given ... on the right beat, even. I don't know, I think David may be the dancer I root for inexplicably this season. I think he's so likable (and we're all so glad to see Courtney in his corner) that he'll be safe.

4. Elisabetta and Val danced a Quick Step

Certainly much much better than last week. They also broke hold, and they ended early (for which he covered). But she showed grace and light-footedness. Shockingly. I thought she was surely going home last week. Which probably means she'll go home this week since I think she could be safe.

5. Rob and Cheryl danced a Jive

Well, I do have to say it's interesting to hear a male "celebrity" talk about male body image issues. So, kudos to him. Actually, he was much much better this week too. I'd even call it pretty good. Better than David, with more actual jive, but not quite as goofy and charming. I don't, however, think it was necessary for Carrie Ann to diss Kim, though, jeez. OK, yes, true. But still. Rob was in the bottom before, but he may have saved himself with the Jive.

6. Carson and Anna danced a Quick Step

He did surprisingly well, actually. Like David, he certainly is endearingly gawky. But if it were up to the dancing alone? He'd be in the bottom.

7. Ricki and Derek danced a Jive

Great job, but my goodness, it was a little raunchy. Is it just me? When she grabbed his belt buckle to pull him up, I blushed a little! But she definitely had it going on. Good on her, because that Jive always looks so HARD to me...fit for endurance runners and aerobics champions. She should be safe.

8. Chaz and Lacey danced a Quick Step

Well, it wasn't that quick a quick step. But Chaz was, once again, precise. They got appropriately dinged for the slow step ... what'cha gonna do? Being so slow, this was one of the least impressive numbers of the evening, so it will be telling: Will he be in the bottom for a boring, slow routine? Or escape the bottom, indicating strong personal support from the fans?

9. Chynna and Tony danced a Jive

OK, the S.O. and I are tired of the tape-on-glasses Jive nerd. Who's with us? Their pre-routine package did include the funniest line of the night form Chynna: "Sorry Jesus, I have to curse." When it came to the dance, what she did, she did well, but where was the Jive? Where were the kicks and flicks? Where was the rock step? No wonder the judges were disapopinted, given her potential. Was it disconcerting enough to put her in the bottom? I don't think so, but then somebody's got to be in the bottom and most of the other dancers got better this week, not worse.

10. Nancy and Tristan danced a Quick Step

Well, she wasn't quite as slow as Chaz, and as Len said: "It was a proper quick step." But it was pretty proper and dull. And I think her grouchy-looking daughter agreed! Can we say she's at risk, just 'cause?

11. J.R. and Karina danced a Jive

Wow, he did a very good job. Sharp, showy, actual jive steps. Musicality. Best of the night for sure. I didn't realize there was that much delta between the jive and the Lindy Hop. I guess I need to be educated. All I know is that I liked it, and so will the audience.

Bottom line for the Bottom two:

Should be: Nancy and Carson with Nancy going home.

And I just can't predict what America will do.

Can you?

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