Confessions of a Twirgin (Twitter Virgin)

6 years ago

Twitter is 5 years old today, huh?  I have only been experimenting (note the drug addiction analogy) with Twitter for the last 3 months, therefore, I am still a Twirgin (Twitter virgin).  As such, I think I’m able to provide a valuable review of this social networking freak show with a fresh set of eyes.  I went into Twitter rather reluctantly, albeit with purely selfish intent, hoping to build my Blog following. I wasn’t looking for friends, I was looking for Followers. (Like nobody else does that.)

I’m a little disappointed with the whole thing, frankly.  The Twitter world is truly a microcosm of society, and not necessarily in a good way.  Some might consider it the “lunchroom” of modern society – how nice.  Intellectuals might consider Twitter the “Town Square” of the 21st century – that’s beautiful.  I happen to think it’s more like the cyberspace Cuckoo’s Nest.  It’s weird, annoying, and a little scary.  I’m reading stuff on there that is really starting to get on my nerves.  There are so many things I really want to Tweet back, but the fear of losing Followers keeps me biting my Twitter tongue (“Twongue”?). Flashbacks to my encounters with Mean Girls back in high school.  In an effort to restore my own emotional health, the following are some Twitter posts I’ve only fantasized about posting.  I’m thinking if I can vent them here, I can get on with my life:

To the Celebrity tweeting their lunch and shopping itinerary: @ I’m at work. Save it.

To the SAHM (finally learned what this meant) whose 2-year-old just pooped in the toilet for the first time.  @ I don’t give a sh-t.

To the “Twitter Veteran” that wants to tell me what I’m doing wrong. @ Obviously, that’s working real well for you.

To the inspirational messager:  @ I’m fine. Leave me alone.

And, lastly,

To the political zealot: @ Don’t you have a meeting to go to?


Thanks.  I feel so much better.  But, I’m not Tw/bitter.

(Do you think any of my Followers read this?)



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