Amy, Tina, Joaquin, Melissa, JLD, Leo, Julia, Meryl, Bryan, Diddy, Taylor, Robin, Bono and Matthew "all right all right all right" McConaughey. Last night was a party for me and a few of my best friends. And by best friends I mean Twitter, because watching an awards show is only fun if you can hashtag it with the rest of the binge-watchers of the world. Live television is social, and during the Golden Globes we are united in our dislike of Ryan Seacrest, our exuberance for all things Meryl Streep and our nostalgia for the days when U2 were rockstars.
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Let's just go ahead and cut to the worst moment of the night. Get it out of the way. Bear with me through the worst moment from the Golden Globe awards, and then I'll give you a light sorbet as a palate cleanser and we'll move on to the fun, okay?
So the worst moment, by far, was Diane Keaton's tribute to Woody Allen, who was given a Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award. Singing his praises, even at an arts event, means dancing with the shadow of the scandals and accusations of child molestation that were discussed again this year in the Vanity Fair article. Taking extra time to honor him was offensive to many, including his son.
Missed the Woody Allen tribute - did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?
Worse, Diane Keaton decided to veer away from talking about his work and to literally sing his praises by cooing ,in a childlike voice, "The Friendship Song," that Brownies and Girl Scouts ditty about making new friends but keeping the old. She was attempting to say that she stands by her friend, I think. What she ended up doing was emphasizing the trusting innocence of friendly little girls while talking about Woody Allen, and it was outrageously creepy and inappropriate.
Seriously. Why is she singing Girl Scout songs? Was Woody Soo-Yi's Brownie troop leader?
Ugh. Worst moment in years of Golden Globes.
Okay, I promised you a sorbet cleanser after suffering through that. First, here's the best moment from the red carpet, featuring Elisabeth Moss, who later won a Best Actress award for Top of the Lake.
And here is Emma Thompson, who didn't win a Golden Globe but maybe should have for Saving Mr. Banks. She threw her Louboutins while on-stage as a presenter, saying the famous red soles from the toe-pinching shoes was her blood. She is my favorite person now.
Other winning moments belong to hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, who were phenomenal. Their opening set was hilarious, slick and at times cutting. Not as brutally cutting as it could have been, but just enough to keep it juicy.
They worked in bits with audience members, notably the brilliant Julia Louis-Dreyfus who was robbed of an award for Veep, if you ask me.
My favorite WTF moment of the night occurred when Alex Ebert received an award for the score from All is Lostand the artist currently know as Diddy, who was onstage as an presenter, did a "I know you, we were on a boat!" thing. So Ebert told the rest of the story about meeting Diddy while on a boat in St. Barts. Apparently Diddy came behind him, opened the man's jacket, and encouraged him to "Let it Flow." Because celebrities' lives are better than ours.
Diddy continued to riff "Let it Flow" to the tune of "Let it Snow." Because he was more drunk than anyone else. And because he's Diddy and it was an awards show.
That led to my favorite brand Tweet of the night:
Several WTF moments started to stack up as it appeared that it was becoming another whites-only awards night. An absence of representation is a pervasive problem, and it is especially disappointing given the important black films and record-setting nominees this year. Fortunately, it wasn't a complete shutout, with 12 Years A Slave winning the best dramatic movie award to close out the night. It was also a big night for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Breaking Bad, Wolf of Wall Street and American Hustle.
Awards end with a sexy Depp giving an award for #12YearsASlave with a stunning beauty beauty named Lupita onstage. My night is complete.
My absolute favorite moment of the night belonged to Amy Poehler. She was nominated for her work in Parks & Recreation. When her name was announced along with the other nominees, the camera showed her at a table receiving a shoulder massage from none other than purple-shaded, previously-oh-so-serious Bono himself. So. Funny.
And then when she was announced as the winner, she pivoted and threw herself into him for a massive celebratory kiss. On your knees, boy, Amy moves in mysterious ways.
So. Epic. Big night for that super-talented Amy and our mutual friend Tina.
Did you watch, or are you just catching the best moments after the fact? Smart move on your part if so; the show lasted for so many hours I felt like Sandra Bullock alone in space, except that I had Twitter. What were your favorite (or not favorite) moments?
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