These Are Not Your Grandmother's Underpants

7 years ago

Have you heard? Thong underwear is dead! (Oh please, please let it be true!)

Can you imagine a world without whale tails? I think that would be a wonderful world to live in, but the demise of the thong has been greatly exaggerated for years now. I'm not about to get my hopes up just yet.

Of course, the demise of one type of undergarment calls for the rise of another -- and people who think about these things have decided that the new new thing is actually an old thing. (Strange, because this never happens in fashion.) The new old thing is (are you ready for this?): Granny panties.

NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 11: Models poses at the La Perla Fall 2010 Fashion Show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Lehmann Maupin Gallery on February 11, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for IMG)

(Bet you didn't see that one coming!)

The new rise in popularity of the so-called "granny panty" has been blamed, like so many wonderful things, on the TV show Mad Men.

Well, I don't know about that.

I love Mad Men very much, and while I hope and pray that modern America will once again embrace the glamorous styles worn by both men and women on that show, I suspect that this is little more than a pipe dream. We are a yoga pant and khaki shorts wearing nation. I'm afraid it might be too late for us at this point. (So sad.)

Instead, I think that the newfound interest in high-waisted undergarments can be attributed to another new old thing: Corsets. I know "corset" sounds painfully retro but trust me, they're back. It's just that nowadays we call them other by another name. That name is Spanx.

Yes, Spanx. Spanx is wonderful -- it has reminded us that underwear can do more than just wedge itself uncomfortably in your most private areas. Underwear can work hard for you. The thing about Spanx, though, is that it's a bit too much for everyday wear, you know? Most of us enjoy breathing and eating which is hard to do when you're compressed by your foundation garments. And well, as great as shapewear is at shaping, sometimes it's just plain ugly.

So where does that leave us? After experiencing what shapewear can do for you, it's very hard to go back to flimsy little things for everyday wear. So naturally, one turns to more formidable underthings. Underthings that naysayers desperately dismiss as granny panties.

I HATE the term granny panties; it's not a fair way to describe the beautiful things out there today. I believe that the new old underwear is way sexier than the thong ever was. From the luxury to the practical, you can have underwear that gives you just a touch of support and looks and feels sexy. Because sexy doesn't have to be uncomfortable.

What do you think? Have you embraced foundation underwear? Or are you a die-hard thong wearer?

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