17 Thoughts I Have While Shopping For Swimsuits

2 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I live in southern Arizona and it's already starting to warm up – during the summer months we can reach upwards of 120 degrees Fahrenheit. So this means that very soon we will be scheduling as many water-centered activities as we possibly can. This week when I went to pull out last summer’s swimsuit, I realized it was looking bad. Like really bad. Unfortunately, this meant it was time to go swimsuit shopping.

Image: Flickr

I am not sure how you personally feel about swimsuit shopping, but for me it's not even in my list of top 10,000 fun things to do. It's a little more akin to psychological torture, and no matter how I prep myself for this yearly ritual, I know how it's going to go down.

So here are 17 thoughts I had while on my most recent shop for swimsuits.

  1. Why does a large swim bottom look like something I could fit only one arm through?
  2. Am I in the juniors section?
  3. If vintage is hot right now, where are those adorably modest swim dresses from the 1900s? I would rock one of those so hard.
  4. Must avoid anything with strings that are intended to hold the ladies up, because I'm a mom and children do not respect the strings. And I do NOT want a repeat of what happened the last time my toddler fiddled with those strings while we were at a public pool ...
  5. OK, it's time to hit the dressing room! Grab the first one off the knob and take a look at the peel off sticker on the crotch of the swimsuit. Why don't men's swimsuits have the little peel off stickers inside of them?
  6. If the peel off sticker is missing from inside the swimsuit, will I be left with some irreversible disease by trying on that particular suit?
  7. Oh my gosh, this has got to be a fun house mirror, because my butt is NOT that big! Is it?! I quickly text my husband to ask. He texts back telling me to snap a picture and let him see. I suspect shenanigans. For some reason, I take the picture.  I look at the picture. Aaaaaaghhhh!! Where is the delete button! Aaaaaaghhhh!!! Is there a delete button for my eyes!
  8. OK this next suit looks cute. It says it has a support panel. I hope it's a really strong support panel!
  9. Nope. It's not that strong. 
  10. I don't drink, but maybe if I had before I came it would have made things a heck of a lot better. I'll keep that in mind for next time.
  11. I really wish I had someone to give me their honest opinion about this suit. 
  12. Um, scratch that thought, because the look on the sales lady's face when I just opened the door in this swimsuit is all the feedback I need.
  13. I hate summer.
  14. I just won't go swimming this year.
  15. I will instead invest in muumuus and make them look cool.
  16. At last! I. Have. Found. One!
  17. Now I just need to find the perfect cover up that goes from head to toe!

Have fun swimsuit shopping!

Queen Mom Jen

http://www.jenerallyinformed.com

 

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