Dear Shirt Dress Offenders: Put Some Pants On!

7 years ago

Dear Shirt Dress Offenders,

You've been bothering me for a very long time. I see you women out in the Shirt Dress, a fashionable item that conjures up the very word "sexy" and is also quite comfortable. The appeal is there for me, that is certain. In fact, I recall a time when I was at home with my sisters and we were trying on men's shirts that belonged to our dad and we thought we were HOT. STUFF.

The important part of that story, little girls who are wearing these shirts that pretend to be dresses out in public, is that we were at home. In the privacy of our house. There was no bending over and showing the world our goodybag. No, no, no ladies. This would not be acceptable.

That's why I'm so worried about you ladies who are frequent flaunters of this practice. It has plagued me that you're wearing shirt dresses out in public that are so short all I can think is that you are clearly missing something: your pants. Now, look. I get the whole my-legs-are-young-and-shapely thing. You want to show them off. You should! Some of you look fantastic and I can tell that you've gotten some exercise. Well done! But, it looks bad and it would appear that I'm not the only one who thinks so and I've been worried about this for some time.

In fact, back in 2007 I read this post by two writers that go by the names of Harrod's Girl and Barney's Girl that actually still has very cute dresses that aren't yet outdated in the fashion sense. Remember when I said my sisters and I used to dress in shirt dresses? That was back in the 80s so it stands true that this the Shirt Dress is always in style. You can even find shirt dresses that are longer and belted like this one from a post I read on myfashionlife. It's pretty and, dare I say it? It's even a little bit classy.

Girls. Let's talk frankly, shall we? I see you every day when I go to work. What I mean is that I see you at my school and sometimes people see you on the subway as you're on your way to work. Let me stress this, oh ye of little wisdom and no pants: People. SEE. You. Yes you, woman riding the New York City subway one morning last week in a dress that was not meant to be worn without pants or at least leggings. You.


Do you see why I'm worried? You're going out in public like this! I am trying to save you from the embarrassment of strangers taking your picture on the train.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever shopped online before? When you look at websites that sell clothes they have CATEGORIES and you can choose any and all you'd like. For instance, they have one for "shirts" and you may even find your beloved shirt dress there. Look further, if you will. Seek more categories. The one in particular I am hoping you will finally notice is the one entitled "pants." It seems bizarre, but what you can do is click on both of them and buy pants to go with your too-short shirt dress. See how that works? I know, right? A-ma-zing!

This burden I feel stems from my guess that you normally shop only in the "intimates" section and I'm simply trying to help you branch out and find your inner Good Sense. I'm looking at you, Lindsay Lohan. Let me also suggest this, LiLo, since you've recently been caught taking items from a store and not paying for them: shop at cheaper places to find your fashion. Good 'ol Old Navy has this shirt dress for sale right now and it's under $30. At that price, if the dress turns out to be a little short on you, you can still afford pants!

old navy shirt dress

To be honest, I wanted to title this post "That Ain't No Damn Dress, Girl" but I thought you might be offended. But the thing is, you're being pretty offensive yourself. Sometimes when I see a girl out in a too-short Shirt Dress I look too hard to see if your shorts possibly rode up too high and they're hiding under there. Then, I wonder if you have any friends because if you did they would certainly tell you that you are in violation. I'm always thinking of you, see? This is why I'm pleading with you to invest in some leggings in several different colors and put them on. Put on some pants, offenders. The rest of us will rest easy if you can get that taken care of so we don't want to turn into our own mothers and throw a blanket over you. 

Thanks. Let's keep in touch about this, ok? I feel like you might require another reminder since this fashion doesn't ever seem to be going out of style.


A Woman Who Wears Pants Appropriately

Kelly leads a fabulously styled life and blogs at Mocha Momma.

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