Top 5 Worst Prom Dresses of 2013

4 years ago

It's early April, and no one has asked me to the prom. Yet.

I would be an awesome prom date. I have my own car, and I can buy beer. In addition, my prom fashion sense simply cannot be topped.

My high school has started doing The Best Thing Ever. They do a promenade as everyone is headed into prom. And it's shown LIVE on the local cable channel. This means that last year, my family sat transfixed around the teevee, watching all the kids get out of their cars and hobble into the school in their dress shoes and too-high heels.

It was fabulous.

Most of the girls needed lessons in how to walk in heels and how to keep their dresses from falling down. Ah, youth.

But some of the girls needed intervention before the prom. They needed assistance in the dressing room when they were buying their fashions.

OK, listen.

I've been looking around on Pinterest, and because I'm a hip 37-year-old unnaturally obsessed with prom, you know I'm completely trustworthy. Here's the deal.

Rule 1:

Don't dress like a hoochie. Some frocks are best saved for your future appearance on a VH1 dating show. Their time will come. If you think Bret Michaels would like a dress, it is not prom-appropriate.


NEXT DRESS: Dancing with the Stars

Rule 2:

You aren't going to be on "Dancing With the Stars," so don't dress like it.


NEXT DRESS: Just Way Too Short

Rule 3:

Short dresses are young and fresh! But too short is ... too short. This looks like something an ice skater would wear to a Pap smear.


NEXT DRESS: Dissection Darcy

Rule 4:

If a dress straddles that fine line between trendy and weird, it's just weird. Don't give your classmates carte blanche to call you "Dissection Darcy" or "Vivisection Vicki" with a weird dress that is reminiscent of gutting a fish. Also, the term "straddle" shouldn't be in your vocabulary for prom. Ahem.


NEXT DRESS: 1980 Barbie

Extra Credit:

Everything comes back around. My Barbies had this dress in 1980.



Cha Cha runs her mouth at www.noodleroux.com.

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