As someone who is actually very strong and confident in so many ways, I feel awkward thinking and feeling this, let alone writing it for everyone to see.
I often wonder how people develop their sense of fashion.
I really have no sense of fashion. Mine is more like, sensibility. If it fits and is comfortable, I wear it. I am very bitchy if I’m uncomfortable. Who isn't, right?
I don’t really accessorize. I have some nice pieces of jewelry that I wear sometimes. I mostly wear the one same pair of earrings. If I remember. I blame this on my mom, because that’s just the right thing to do, right? She wore the same pair of earrings day in and day out for 20 years. But at least she wore them every day.
I always feel like I need to do more. To up the style. I mean, my sensibility works for me in a way, but I could look…nicer. Trendier. Not quite so blah, for lack of a better word. I might even dare say I would like to be “fashionable.” Whatever that is.
Part of the problem lies in the fact that I am totally uncomfortable with my own body and in my own skin. When it comes to that I have zero self-confidence, so when it’s time to shop, I feel like I have to skip on the trendy and go with the tried and true.
Which isn’t really so tried and true.
But when you feel shitty about yourself, you get caught in a rut.
Do you remember when I disclosed that I am a planning over-achiever and I bought some new clothes last year so I would actually get dressed in the morning?
I got a bunch of cute tops that I figured I would pair with skirts. In Upstate NY. In the winter. Fail. It looks like you have to have more than tops to make a wardrobe where I live. Pairing cute tops with sweatpants or pajama pants is just stupid.
What I want is jeans. They never go out of style! I would absolutely love to be able to find a pair of jeans that I felt looked good and were comfortable. But jeans are so…hard and uncomfortable. I hate having anything around my waist! I need something softer, thinner, and a little stretchy. But not the kind of stretchy that 20 minutes into wearing them they are falling down. I have that, and it is totally uncomfortable and unflattering too.
And so, I have not maintained my commitment to not looking like a hobo. If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve been working out, I’m betting I would not be getting out of my pajamas most days. Instead, I’m trading that for workout clothes, which is a close second on the loser scale. At least I’m working out, which will hopefully change how I feel about my body.
In the meantime, I need the perfect pair of jeans.
My other issue is footwear. I have Paris Hilton sized feet, but without the footwear budget to make them look hot. I have big, clunky boots, and big, clunky sneakers. That I wear when I work out. I have a hard time finding anything in my size. I used to have luck at PayLess, but lately that had changed, and now the local PayLess is out of business.
I don’t even know where to begin with the shoes, I really don’t.
Here is my issue with accessories. I don’t have a place that’s mine where I can keep them all but still see them. Our house is super tiny with very little closet space. My closet is in the baby’s room. My accessories are put away in a container on a shelf that is very small. They are buried under things like deodorant, lotion, and tampons. I kind of need to have things accessible and in my face to think about them. So where do I put my jewelry and scarves? I have a nice little wood and wicker shelving unit, but no place to put it. I wanted to put it in the bathroom, but it's too crammed and I got vetoed. I can put it in the baby’s room, I guess. And I can never be able to let her play in her room because she will get into it.
Will I ever have a place to put my stuff?
It seems I’m left with a to-do list and a lot of questions. Will any effort matter? Will I follow through with getting dressed even if I don’t leave the house? Will an attempt at being fashionable help me feel better about myself? How do I make the time to think about what I’m putting on? Why is this so hard for me?
Do you think being fashionable helps boost your confidence?
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