Angry White Chick Rocks Finish Line with Ultra-marathon Mascara - L’Oreal Voluminous Butterfly Review
I’m tired of competing in the 40 to 49 female age bracket at all the ultra-marathons. Granted I’ve only been a forty-year-old woman a few months, but already I’ve discovered it’s not for me. I figure I should cut my losses before I’m fifty and I’m too far into this running thing to get fast enough to beat the speed demonic women older than me. I’m ready to make a change and do something about my misery with being a slow 40 year old female runner.
I want to time travel back to the 90s when it was more important to look bangin' than to bang out fast miles. I'm exhausted with the current trend of stick straight sleek ponytail hair with no-slip headbands and so little makeup that you can’t tell I'm even wearing any. Frankly, that goes against everything I believe. If I’m going to spend my cheese on makeup and take the time to paint it on, I don’t want any doubt about whether or not I have it on my face.
I'm jonesin' for the 90s days of grunge when makeup tips were duly noted by corner-folding the pages of 'Sassy' magazine. And it was perfectly acceptable to cover a pimple with a dot of brown eyebrow pencil to pass it off as a mole because "Zits are beauty marks" according to Kurt Cobain.
Source: wildsoulchiild, via socentralrain
I want an excuse to cover my sweat-induced bouts of acne with eyebrow crayon and rock some dark, weird, mysterious, angry white chick eyes while getting down and dirty on the trail. Running is one of my favorite sports, and since I can't win at it in my demographic, it only makes sense I want to look like my best younger (90s era) self doing it. This means I need to wear the darkest, phattest mascara so as to be slightly presentable to the rest of the runners on race day. If during the course of the race no one abruptly hurls while looking at me, I'll call it good presentation on my part.
Recently, I've been on the search for a lash lengthening and non-clumping formula mascara that won't leave my lashes feeling like dry tufts of hay. I want one that's not only a throwback to Courtney Love when she used to patch up her track marks to look more presentable, but also a mascara that's non-clumping and non-flaking to help keep glare out of my eyes when I suffer allergies and everything appears blurry. I want to see everything beneath my grungy mascara coated lashes as clear as Courtney Love did when she discovered the real location of the Malaysian plane. That girl can see EVERYTHING while high on smack. Anyway, I think I've finally found the illest drugstore brand to pass the rocker chick 90s style ultra-run test.
From my recent Walgreens haul, I purchased this new L’Oreal Lash Out Butterfly waterproof mascara in 'Blackest Black'. I usually go for a waterproof mascara to hold lash curl the best and because it won't melt down my cheeks after a few hours of wear. The latter would make an allusion to the wicked witch of the west more than appropriate than that of a woman who wants to look cute while she runs.
I found the 'Lash Out' waterproof mascara at the new display section of the beauty aisle, and when going back for a spare tube three months later I did not see it in stock. So I am pretty sure this was a limited edition product and is now being replaced by L'Oreal's Voluminous Butterfly mascara.
I have this tube of mascara and I know how to use it.
Back away from the woman with the mascara.
This is perfectly dope because both versions consist of the same formula and offer exactly the same results. The first time I knew of the Butterfly product line was from watching the commercial during Project Runway on Lifetime last fall. My then 4 year old exclaimed, "Look at that girl's eyes! They're 'skusting!" He was thoroughly disgusted that the model had murdered a butterfly by skinning it alive so she could wear its wings on her lashes.
He's very opinionated on the cosmetic choices I make. He often watches me during my a.m. makeup application process and told me once that spending time with me in the morning is like eating caterpillars. When I asked him, "How so?" he said it feels weird in his tummy at first when he watches my dropped bottom jaw form a gaping "Oh" when applying mascara (aka my mascara face). His tummy feels even weirder when he sees a vacant 'no one home' upward look in my eyes at the moment I'm curling my lashes with what appears to be a medieval torture device. Despite having to witness me bugging my eyes out and dropping my jaw to my boobs he says it'll be worth it when butterflies spray out his booty.
Can't argue with his logic.
So, without a further ado, allow me to break down this Butterfly Mascara review:
While some mascaras are just beautifully wrapped tubes frontin' with bat crap ingredients to coat lashes, the body of Voluminous Butterfly mascara is silver metallic with black stripes and holds a distinctive formula that never runs or transfers.
If you open up the mascara wand, it has a different brush shape compared to the usual lash building brands. The shape is like a butterfly wing (hence the name). It has longer bristles outside and smaller bristles inside which are perfect for capturing the lower eye lashes.
Now here's what it says on the back of the packaging, so I don't miss anything:
Also, in case of emergency put mascara on yourself before helping others.
Here's the unique shape of the "butterfly winged" mascara wand that L’Oreal is talking about, "...to catch every lash from corner to corner...":
Why can't I put on eye make-up like a normal person?! I resemble someone brain-dead who's trying to communicate when I put on my mascara face. I should close my mouth!
I have only a tiny bit eye shadow on and no eyeliner applied in the latter two pictures directly above so it's quite evident how the mascara coats my lashes and stays put after a long run in the Florida heat and humidity.
I've tried darker eye shadow in the 80s style blue 'wet n wild' color wheel but dark blues tend to blend in with black colored eye products like eyeliner and mascara. This, just like browns and earth tones, creates the much-dreaded Rocky the Raccoon look which I want to avoid unless I plan on picking up Ranger Rick at the next aid station on a trail in the middle of nowhere, or I'm preparing to rob a bank.
When not running, I do occasionally add black liner and apply three coats of the mascara. I usually only do one coat to get more natural looking lashes, as I did for this review. Though sometimes I want to see how dramatically 90s I can look if I do 2-3 coats.
When a mascara claims it will give me longer lashes on the outer corner of my eye, I usually think of Angelina Jolie's eye makeup back in the day, so I just had to try this mascara out.
Angelina Jolie - Hackers Promos/Stills (1995)
I really AM talking strictly about her lashes. Pay no attention to her sofa-pillow lips. See that blue eye shadow paired with those blue eyes? This look makes me feel nostalgic, personally. I wanna bust the tube top and Fresh Look colored lenses out of storage, paint on plenty of blue eye shadow and make sure I have enough time to pick up a pack of smokes for Momma and some Redman for my boy. Sike!
I'm just buggin' but let's get back on track here. I read somewhere her eyes are round shaped but with a winged liner and longer lashes on the outer corner of her eyes, it gives her that sexy fine cat-eye look. With this mascara it is possible to swoop lashes into Angelina come hither lashes for sweaty, grungy, muddy finish line photos. These are high expectations I know but L’Oreal has been marketing a ton of skin care and beauty products lately that I thought I wouldn't like and they have proven me wrong every time. I have used one mascara in the Voluminous line before this, the L’Oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes. It's not my favorite mascara but it does the job of lengthening my lashes as well as thickening. The Voluminous Butterfly consists of less clumping than the False Fibers kind as you can see.
Now that I'm wearing mascara like Angelina Jolie, the only thing left to do is to begin a collection of babies from impoverished countries like friggin' Pokémon.
I expect that 10 years from now a make-up anthropologist will describe my frozen in time selfie look as "a wonderfully preserved example of the female of the species from the year 2014 using a cosmetic application style from 1994. She was apparently frozen in the midst of her pre-race picture prepping ritual before braiding her locks into pigtails and donning a plaid race skirt in attempts to be totally badass. As you can see, her face is painted in various colors. We have thick black lines around her upper eye region, and hints of sparkly copper paint on her eye lids, a rosy pink on her cheekbones and her lips are covered in what appears to be a blood red petroleum matter. Additionally, she has applied a thick black substance on each individual eyelash and for reasons undetermined, she appears to have pulled out most of her own eyebrows where it is suspected they once connected in the middle."
I can almost hear the gasps from the white coat wearing lab students.
I'm happy to admit when I found the 'Always Low Price' of this mascara at Walmart to be $7.97, I swooped up a tube and emerged from the self-checkout counter clutching my treasury of Voluminous Waterproof in my gold-clipped komodo-dragon bag close to my bosoms, as if in triumph. Pricewise, this mascara is an absolute bargain and must have product.
Ultimately, I think what we have here is a straight-up lengthening and thickening mascara. The Voluminous Butterfly Waterproof mascara is the bomb as far as length — plus, no flaking, smudging or clumping, and it washes right off with a swipe of soap and water. Although with more than one coat on the lashes for an all-out 90s Courtney and Angelina look it requires the use of a scrub to remove all the clumps which I'm not happy about. I had thought TLC and I made our thoughts on scrubs very clear.
From video thumbs via ChrisCyberTLC @ cybertlcforums.com
If space girls wearing bright eye shadow complete with gemstones on their eyelids kicking booty and publicly shaming dudes who catcall women doesn't make you want to wear Butterfly mascara, I don't know what will.
With a single layer of application and no-scrub action, this mascara is mess-free. It held my curl all day with help from an eyelash curler and "winged" out my lashes towards the outer corner of my eyes. It does not deposit dried up flakes on the under eye area like little mascara turds either. And while I know my eyes are not comparable to Angelina Jolie's gorgeous blue eyes this mascara did lengthen my lashes. It caught every lash without irritating my eyes and making my lash line itch. I've worn this mascara for a good 14 hours straight the other day including 2+ hours of running in in hot, humid conditions. I was hoping I wouldn’t look like a mascary hot mess in the end with black streaks running down my face like spider legs and sure enough Voluminous Butterfly lasted the whole run and beyond.
I think all glam running girls need to buy Voluminous Butterfly in Waterproof to rock with your next race bib. With summer coming up, you will need durable makeup and if you mostly care about lash length, especially at the outer corners, that’s where Voluminous Butterfly Mascara shines. It really does take me back to the grungy 90s when I used to spend more time talking on the phone than typing on it.
Life was good.
I suppose I need to accept the fact that I really am forty now and somehow learn to be satisfied with where I am. I should probably stop thinking about the days of my youth and settle on down to a nice, quiet, middle-aged life. Maybe I should get myself some sensible wide-width shoes, throw out my Red Hot Chili Peppers cd’s and lay off the mascara a little.
I’m going to do that, too. Right after I finish reading, “How To Make Your Own Time Machine Out Of Sony Discmans, Motorola Beepers, And Scrunchies.”
I'll check ya in the 90s. It’s gonna be off the hook!
But before I bounce, I want to know if you've gotten jiggy with this mascara yet? Do you love it like Screech loved Lisa? It’s available now in three shades — Black, Black Brown and Blackest Black — at drugstores, grocery stores, Ulta and online.
I think I'll throw some on and take a pic so I can update my AOL profile. So message me, will ya? It'll be awhile before I can use the phone.
in the 90s via buzzle.com
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