Remember the time you had to push out a person and then for three months you “walked” around feeling like you were just hit by a truck, but society still expected you to wear clothes?
Hello, I am The Milk and I don’t always whine about fashion here. I originally posted this a year ago back when my wardrobe included a Spit Up Friendly category. I am, clearly, somewhat of an authority when it comes to fashion.
The three looks I came up with for baby moms are easy to follow. They take into consideration the fact that people who rarely shower, will most likely not curl-iron their hair into Victoria Secret inspired bouncy locks and wear makeup. Which is why my hair in these photos is up in an awkward bun. I did wear chapstick and mascara, because I respect you too much.
0-3 Months – Cabbage Leaf in Bra Stage
OUCHY. You’re slouching tiger sleepless dragon, slouching in an attempt to not let your clothes touch ANY part of your body. You can barely walk, but may need to pick up your older child at daycare or perhaps you’ve got company over to see the baby. There might be a cabbage leaf or two in your bra, but you don’t want to scare the guests. What’s your move here?
Ouchy top: wear a loose fit T-shirt. A vertical pattern like a knot, some frills or a ribbon can help cover up the mid section. Let me plunge deep into “not my comfort zone”. Leakage accidents. There, I said it. The scarf (H&M) can be undone to cover yourself up. The military style jacket is also a loose fit.
Ouchy bottom: I wore these Topshop tights before, during and after both pregnancies. That’s the great thing about tights. I’ll be wearing them for all three looks.
3-6 Months – Ready, get set, spit up!
The next two looks are interchangeable.
I hate to break it to you, but that cloth diaper thingy hanging off your shoulder to protect you from spit up is not gonna cut it. Which is why you need to be dressed in spit up camouflage.
Dirty top: why is the checkered bolero jacket a good choice for this stage? The boxy shape covers up the mid section yet again. Also, the checkered pattern is a much better spit up camouflage than, oh say that dark purple top I was wearing when eating out with 7 Month Old last week. You can do the math.
Dirty bottom: Tights.
6-9 Months – The Grabber Baby
Welcome to my life. There’s a duck shaped potty in my living room. Also, I can’t talk on the phone, type on my computer or eat without having to worry about whether the contents of my cereal bowl clash with my outfit or not, because the Grabber Baby is into everything. Which is why it’s probably a bad idea to wear jewellery at this stage and possibly a bad idea to wear a scarf, but since this is the only photo of me that I actually like, too bad, the scarf stays.
Stretched out chewed up top: Peplum tops are very popular right now and it’s ideal for us who 6-9 months postpartum are still packing some extra weight around, all together now: that’s right, the mid section!
9-12 Months – Blank canvas
Welcome to the blank canvas look. I’m sorry. My baby was eight-months-old back when I originally posted this and I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember what babies do at 9-12, but now I’m a year wiser and let me tell you add a pair of running shoes and this look is perfect. Babies at 9-12 are on the move. Or at least my babies are. Before deciding to specialize in head diving 21 Month Old at the age of 11 months was RUNNING. So put your running shoes on and don’t forget to remove them when you’re done chasing. You’re gonna have to take some deep yoga breaths.
But enough about me. Is there anything you can add to this?