Can you say “Giddyup?!”

This newest entry in my ever expanding list of useless/lame baby products are Walking Wings. This gadget is designed to eliminate falls and alleviate parental back aches from stooping over to assist wobbly walkers. Not a bad idea, except the end result looks like it either belongs in a Adult Toy store or an equestrian supply store - or maybe both.

Those double leads look like reins and that harness resembles a miniature saddle. The toddler leash is indignity enough, but this product takes this to childhood bondage thing to a whole other level.

LINK: SafeandSecureBaby.com

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Check out this marital rating scale from 1939 I found on the awesome blog Boing Boing. This marital rating scale was created by marital counselor George W. Crane in the 1930’s. The demerits column on the left hand side cracks me up, especially how wearing red nail polish is demerit-worthy (WTF!?) But there’s no question that by 1930s standards, I would have so many demerits that my score would be a double digit negative number.

The entire booklet can be found on Flickr.

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This seriously creepy lamp looks like some mutant, radioactive, glow-in-the-dark, infant o’ terror. This panic-attack inducer doesn’t belong in any nursery, in my opinion. But if you’re into macabre, baby-themed products, this is the lamp for you. It also comes in red and blue and the red one is even scarier looking, if that’s possible.

LINK: geniusjones

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Now that I’m a mom, I figured my club-hopping days were over. Apparently, I’m wrong. Across the country, Baby Loves Disco transforms the hippest clubs into kid-friendly clubs for the entire family. Once a month, nightclubs are transformed and baby-proofed and DJ’s spin music from the 70’s and 80’s guaranteed to get booties of all sizes shaking. There’s bubble machines, chill-out rooms with tents and books, diaper changing stations, and of course, lots of dancing.

Here in L.A., the next event will be in June at Social Hollywood and my friends and I are trying to gather a group to get advanced tix before they sell out again. It sounds like a blast and like a step up from the usual crappy kids entertainment you have to endure.  Check out the website for the Baby Loves Disco party in your city.

LINK: BabyLovesDisco.com

I’ve said this many times and I’ll say it again, why oh why isn’t there an equivalent of a hamster exercise ball for toddlers? What I wouldn’t give for a child-sized sphere of plexiglass goodness that would keep my toddler hermetically sealed from small objects he could put into his mouth and choke on and keep him from getting into mischief? I could fill that ball up with some cheerios, give it a good push and let the good times roll!

But it looks like the hamsters and other furry rodents have all the fun. Check out this adorable hamster cruiser.

Product Description
This interactive exercise toy is for hamsters, gerbils, mice and other small furry friends. There are 4 levels for racing fun. One is to snap the wheel into the lower position and remove the spoiler from the back of the car to attach it to the front of the car under the hood. Then place your critter inside and roll the Cruiser onto the Hamtrac. Second, snap the wheel into the center position and place the pet inside. This way they can cruise around the house.. Thirdly, simply snap the wheel into the top position and it becomes a stationary exercise spinner. Finally you can unsnap the wheel and your pet can spin around the house.

Available at: amazon.com (link via gizmodo)

This gorgeously embroidered baby sling from Serena and Lily is much more streamlined and elegant-looking than your average baby sling.

I was flipping through this month’s issue of domino magazine when I spotted this “market sling” listed as an editor’s favorite. It also comes in other colors and is available in June in limited quantities, but you can pre-order now.

LINK: serenaandlily.com

Okay all you avid DIYers, here’s your chance to make a coatrack out of those old baby dolls! Personally, I think this is project is kind of Ed Gein meets Martha Stewart - is that a “good thing” though?

Here’s the link with full instructions.

LINK: designsponge via boingboing 

Okay fellow Durannies, hold onto your leggings - the hubby and I went to the Duran Duran concert here in L.A. last night and they were awesome!

As you can see from the photo above (from their official website), time has taken their toll but they’re still devilishly handsome blokes. John Taylor, in particular, looked particularly well-preserved from where I was standing in the orchestra.  Other than a slight Ted Danson-ish bald spot on the top of his head, he looked amazing. Back in the 7th grade, I pledged my eternal and undying love to JT and hoped to have his babies someday. Obviously that hasn’t happened and it never will. Luckily, I am happier with Plan B.

They opened the show with songs from their new album, Red Carpet Massacre. But it wasn’t until they broke out into “Hungry Like the Wolf” that the sold-out crowd of thirty and forty-something year-olds went absolutely crazy. I had as good a time watching the crowd as I did watching the band perform. I was surrounded by a hipster crowd of older, urban professional types. Former Durannies who have grown up to become lawyers, cpa’s, moms, dads - the crowd I see at the PTA meetings. But after a few beers, they regressed into teenage fanboy and fangirl mode. The row behind me had some suburban moms who went into ear-piercing hysterics every time John Taylor wandered to the left side of the stage where our seats were. I seriously thought I would need to whip out some smelling salts to bring them around.

Personally, the high point of the concert was when they sang “Girls on Film” and “Save a Prayer” - my two favorite DD songs.  My feet ached, my back hurt and my ears were ringing as I collapsed into bed way after midnight (super late for a suburban mom like me who gets up at the butt crack of dawn). But it was worth it to party like it was 1984.

Muslims in Solapur, India have lined up to throw their infants off the roof of a 45-foot tall shrine for over 500 years. This ritual is believed to make the babies grow up healthy and strong (yeah, I would think any baby who could survive this is a tough little bugger). It’s also been claimed that an accident or injury has never happened. Check out this incredible, heart-stopping video at Reuters. Seriously, this is not for the faint of heart. It was terrifying for a mom like me to watch. The babies are caught at the bottom with a sheet…but still.

Although I understand the strange compulsion to throw objects off high buildings just to see them fall - shouldn’t we draw the line at babies?

LINK: Reuters

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This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Whenever I run into a friend or acquaintance out in public, and I’m not with my toddler, people universally ask worriedly, “Where’s the baby?” As if there was a chance that I’d just left him somewhere absentmindedly. I suppose it’s possible - you do hear horror stories of people who forget that their child was asleep in the back of their car. But the tone of voice they use is so concerned that I’m genuinely amused. I know that I’m a SAHM, but I do use a babysitter on occasion and it’s not unheard of that a mom can be seen running errands without an infant appendage attached to her hip. I’m not sure if everyone is taken aback that I need some non-mommy moments to myself or that they don’t feel convinced that I’d have the sense to hire a babysitter.

Whenever I answer this inane question with, “Oh he’s at home with the babysitter/grandma/daddy” a look of relief crosses their face. And this is the final insult. Duh! Of course my children are being supervised by a responsible adult when I’m not with them. Do I look like the type of mom who would plop my toddler in front of the t.v. and throw a bag of pirate booty and juice box in there and let them fend for themselves for a few hours? Or worse yet, the type of mom who left her toddler in the shopping cart and drove off without him accidentally?

If the asker looks particularly anxious, just to mess with them, I’ll actually widen my eyes in horror and cover my mouth gasping, “Oh Shit! Where’d he go?” The look of pure panic and horror this reaction elicits is priceless.

So for the record people, I am a responsible mother and I don’t need to defend or explain my well-earned alone time to get a pedicure or a haircut or date nights out with my hubby. So if you see us out having a couples only dinner, please rest assured the kids aren’t home alone.  They’re home asleep with a loving sitter keeping a close eye on their well being. And no, I won’t give you my sitter’s number - find your own damn sitter!

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