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Fall trends that fall short

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

Who the hell would wear that?

Each season brings highly anticipated styles and trends. Some soar and some flop — in astounding ways. It can’t be easy for designers to come up with innovative ideas every three months, but who is telling them these ideas are OK? Here are the ones that never should have made it past the sketch pad…

Geometric designs

Geometric designs

Please place a checkmark in the “yes” box if geometric prints make you want to hurl. We thought so. For the last freakin’ time, these were a bad idea in the '70s and they are a worse idea now. They are not appealing, interesting or flattering, so unless you still think beehives and tight polyester pants are a good idea, never wear this trend. If you insist on donning these dreadful patterns, carry ibuprofen with you to give to the people who have to look at you all day. It will diminish the pain in their temples. Think about it. People did too many drugs in the '60s, what followed was a decade of these geometric disasters. We can do better than this.

Plaid Pants

Plaid pants

We hated these when Mom made us wear them to kindergarten, and we hate them now. Known to some as “jack-a**” pants (mostly because they were worn by jack a**es like Rodney Dangerfield), plaid pants have no place on a woman’s body. Luggage? Sure. Pieces of furniture? OK. On a blanket? Yep. But under no circumstances should plaid be considered acceptable material for pants.

Summer dresses

Summer dresses

Old Navy released a huge line of dresses in late October, many of which are short and sleeveless. What is this madness? If you live in the tropics or are going on a cruise, this may be acceptable, but Old Navy released these fashions as if they were a good idea while many of us are dealing with sub-zero weather and blowing snow! We are here to nip this seasonal-crossover concept in the frozen bud right now.

Grandma’s sofa

Grandma’s sofa

Women are suckers for feminine floral patterns and retailers know it, which is why we now find flowers on every article of clothing. This is nothing less than abuse of an otherwise acceptable fashion trend. Floral patterns belong on dresses, skirts and the occasional top. Conversely, they do not belong on blazers, hats, shoes or (Lord help us all) skinny jeans. Floral patterns can go from looking sweet and feminine to resembling Grandma’s sofa in no time flat. Designers need to use this fabric sparingly so we don’t end up looking like bad kitchen curtains.

More fall fashion trends

7 Fall fashion trends that last past the season
Fall trend we love: studs
Fall fashion with Ann Taylor: Trendy tips from the style director

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