Johnny Depp

Get this boy a makeover

What in thunder is going on with Johnny Depp’s look? He’s all over the place. He’s part cowboy, part hippie, part rock star, part intellectual (we’re pretty sure he stole those glasses from the set of Secret Window). Now that this boy is single again, he needs help. Here are a few pointers to take Johnny Depp's look from ‘what the heck’ to ‘Hello Johnny!’


Johnny, we love ya, but we can smell you from here. We’re not sure if being hygienically challenged is part of your rock star vibe, but we’re not feeling it. At all. You look like you smell of coffee grounds, body odor and ground-in dirt with just a hint of urine. Frankly we’d rather roll around in the back of a garbage truck than get in a car with you. Make friends with a bar of soap.

Get a decent haircut

What is going on atop Johnny Depp’s head is anyone’s guess. It’s usually covered in some sort of cowboy-ish hat (similar to the ones you find at tourist traps on the beach). What is sticking out from the hat looks like the scraggly remains of a fright wig that John-John dug out from under a pile of dirty underwear. That hair may have worked for Willy Wonka, but it’s doing a whole lot of nothing for Johnny Boy. If he wanted to grow out a head of Jack Sparrow hair, that would be just fine with us (minus the beaded goatee).

Pick an identity

What exactly does Johnny Depp want to be when he grows up? A cowboy? A rock star? A college professor? A hippie? We’re just kind of wishing he’d pick a theme and go with it. Few things irritate women the world over more than seeing a gorgeous man foul up his looks with a bunch of junk jewelry, bad eyewear and a goofy hat. Johnny needs to bust out of this mass confusion and remind us that he is one of the most attractive men in Hollywood.

It’s possible he is under the grievous misconception that he looks cool, so we’ll clear that up right now. It’s not cool. It’s just confusing. Perhaps just rock the cowboy vibe for a while. Find a real cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn cowboy boots. This look can cross over into rock star, but we’re giving Johnny permission to wave bye bye to the hippie/collegiate look for a while. It’s not working for you, Big Guy.

Watch: How to cut your man's hair

Ladies, save your man's money to spend on yourself. Men, ask her to cut your hair so you have beer money.

More on Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp passes the buck on sign language snafu
Johnny Depp hated life until he had kids
Movie review: Dark Shadows

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Comments on "Johnny Depp: Single but not ready to mingle"

Bonga August 09, 2012 | 10:08 AM

I think you nailed it, Kate (no pun inetnded). Sensual is a perfect word to describe him. He seems like he would be sensual about everything - - food, drink, his woman, etc. He also seems like he's an incredibly down to earth, humble guy - - and that is totally attractive to me. He's always been known as someone who appreciates his fans and is willing to do the whole "meet and greet" thing without complaint. How many other actors can we say that about? Love, love, love him.

Barbara Dewailley July 17, 2012 | 7:31 AM

First of all, he does not need help. He doesn't follow the crowd, he's a trend setter. He wears what he likes and who cares what others think. That is the hippest and coolest way to live, and I agree with him. I am not going to be swayed by what others think I should be, how to dress, etc. And yet people tell me they like my style. I like his style, it is his own style and so cool!

Lacey July 16, 2012 | 8:23 AM

I will say what it appears EVERYONE is saying..this article is stupid. He has always been this way, and actually doesn't look like he smells dirty. This is his thing, and he won't change to be like everyone else. That's what makes Johnny...well, Johnny. Who cares how he looks as long as he stays true to himself, because he's a wonderful guy. The fact that you would dissect everything about his appearance just shows that you have your own insecurities.

Mel x July 14, 2012 | 11:09 AM

Leave perfection alone.. Those who wrote article look in the mirror and check out who you if any one you wake up too..- xx

rachel July 13, 2012 | 9:17 PM

Why don't you leave him alone?..Johnny is going through a difficult time and you are talking about this crap? I can't believe it!,Johnny I love you and I always gonna support you forever..beautiful man!

Sash x July 13, 2012 | 5:45 AM

what even.. the person who wrote this has to be a ..

Anna July 12, 2012 | 9:39 PM

Huh? In case you didn't know it Depp has always prided himself on going against social standards-- and it's oh so wonderful. I hope to God he doesn't listen to anything this article or anyone has to say about his appearance, cause you got it all wrong! #diggingit

Depphead July 12, 2012 | 7:45 PM

Oh Guy ,you're kidding me .That is a stupid article !! This is a very difficult time for him so let he alone and forget all about him because he is everthing and this site are notting ! He's perfect !!!

Kim D July 12, 2012 | 4:43 PM

Leave him alone! He has been the same for years! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that man. I have met him and been hugged several times by him after a 90+degree day of shooting. He smells clean... like Jenny said, he sometimes smells of tobacco but not smokey. He's a very generous, sweet, and kind man to everyone. Why does the press feel the need to attack people? Just let them live their lives.

Emma July 12, 2012 | 4:23 PM

This is who Johnny Depp is. He has been this way for years and isn't going to change! I agree with the others that this is a ridiculous article. It would be great if there were some better topics to talk about!

Jenny July 12, 2012 | 3:23 PM

This is indeed a stupid article ...Depp has been this way for 25 years, people copy him so your fashion editor is an idiot...I have met Mr. Depp on several occasions and have been physically close to him and believe me he is clean, he smells of soap and tobacco (not smoke)...he is also a very nice person and very sweet and generous with his fans, so maybe write about that....making this crap up just to have people visit your site is cheap...

avmir July 12, 2012 | 11:04 AM

No, no, no!! leave the man alone! he is PERFECTION just the way he is...natural, handsome and a bit rebellious!

Kim July 12, 2012 | 10:58 AM

Johnny Depp has always had a style of his own. I say let him to continue to do his thing. Although I would love to see a shorter hair style and no more facial hair. I feel like it has been so long since we have seen a clean shaven and groomed Depp!

Johnny Depp Fan July 12, 2012 | 9:52 AM

What a stupid article!! Can't you just let this poor guy alone while he is going through a very difficult time? Who cares if he stinks! Who cares if his hair cut doesn't please the population! Who cares how he dresses and what style or not style he chooses to be! That doesn't hurt anybody. Judging such a talented actor on the way he looks and smells is absolutely ridiculus. Get a life!!!!!

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