Wining and plucking
You might ask why this is so. Was I genetically predisposed to wispy, blond brows? Did I have a horrific accident that rendered my arches victim? Do I suffer from severe hypothyroidism?
No, frankly the truth lies with a bottle of Yellowtail, Tweezerman tweezers and a little bit of free time.
Indeed what I considered a private moment between me, my slant-tip metal instrument and the frosty-eyed impairment of a glass and a half of Cab just was not so.
My, ahem… "artistic interpretation" of immaculately groomed Angelina-esque arches was lacking -- hair that is. I am guilty of "Wining and Plucking," which has led me to encounter quite a few brow crimes.
Below, the crimes unfolded:
Brow Crime #1: The Mona Lisa
While not all too different from the "barely there" Mona Lisa brows, my look certainly meandered between feathery wisps and the quite endearing Red and Blue Alien.
Brow Crime #2: Red and blue aliens
Added bonus? Said wax pencil oxidizes hours later to a lovely rust or blue tint. Hello, happy hour – hope it's too dark in here for anyone to notice!
Barely a whisper, my brows lacked definition. And let's add to that the delightful insult of a bald spot on the inner corner for final measure.
My brows needed rescuing, but never one to opt for permanent measures – eyebrow styles and the structure of your face does in fact, change with time – my impromptu solution became $20-a-pop Anastasia brow pencils.
Brow Resurrection Treatment
Certainly my curiosity was piqued by Brow Resurrection, a signature service at Browhaus, NYC's newest one-stop-shop for all things related to brow and lash grooming. This semi-permanent treatment promises you'd be given good brow for two full years – without any of the ritualistic coffee-hasn't-kicked-in-yet morning stenciling.
The technique involves scuffing the surface of the skin with tiny stainless steel pins, crafting out intricate lifelike brow strands then filling the tiny wounds in with vegetable dyes that are 100% natural and safe for the skin.
Turns out those pesky bald brows weren't the only problem – these boogers were lopsided to boot. Michelle, my "brow architect," diligently re-sketched my right arc with pencil to fung shui and re-center my face.
Numbing cream was applied and twenty minutes later tiny scratches were carved right into the surface of skin in the shape of individual hairs. A soy and vegetable-based dye was then applied to the tiny gashes.
Was there any discomfort? Truthfully not any more than hacking at my own brow with a tweezer, though toasty inebriation surely cuts down on pain, so clearly I'm not the best person to ask. Numbing cream was slathered on again halfway through the procedure to ensure I wouldn't be climbing up the walls in pain. The entire process: 90 minutes, including the consultation.
While it vaguely felt like my eyebrow hairs were being pulled out one by one, I was relieved to find them all accounted for. There was slight swelling and tenderness for about two days and the scabbing I was promised was practically non-existent. Just a few flakes that were brushed away without a fuss. The biggest shouldn't-qualify-as-a-drawback? Washing around my new arches for a full week.
One week later...
I'm so happy with my results. It has really cut down on getting out the door in the morning, and I find that I'm wearing less makeup overall! Because my brows were one of the last features I would tend to, I would overcompensate with eyeshadow and mascara.
Your brows and eyes really are the most defining part of your face (how about those black bars that strategically shield a fashion victim's eyes?). Funny how such a small detail can easily make you look monstrous or fabulous.
I'm relieved I no longer wash my brows down the drain along with my tinted moisturizer and bronzer. My eyebrows channeled perpetual "sad" but after this sunny overhaul I look and feel way less tired.
On an even brighter note, I'm happy to report I've plucked up the restraint to put down the tweezers, despite the captivating chant of sweet Merlot and the cavernous solitude of a well-lit bathroom.
More eyebrow tips
How to shape your eyebrows
5 Tips for beautiful brows
Hair removal: The art of threading