Only, without the water. What I'm trying to say is, through some wizardry unbeknownst to me, stretchy jeans manage to give every mama's buns a little lift. They're universally flattering. Wearing them is basically the real life version of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Whether I'm playing with my kid at the park or chasing him around the house in a feeble attempt to figure out what he just stuffed into his mouth, stretchy jeans see me through anything my kids throw my way. Unlike with other fashion choices, I get maximum maneuverability and comfort — without even having to unbutton anything. C'mon. That's genius.
They look good. They just do. And, somehow, the magical properties of the stretchy fabric make me feel as though my body looks just like it did before I had babies. Don't get me wrong — women's bodies inevitably change with pregnancy and childbirth, and it's a beautiful thing. But, you know, things shift. Some things even jiggle now. But sliding on a pair of Signature by Levi Strauss & Co.™ makes me feel as though all is right with the world (and my mommy curves). They flatter my curves instead of trying to hide them, which is hard to find. The best part is, they actually keep their shape all day long, so I don't look like I just woke from a nap at school pickup (even if I did).
As a mom, sleep is like the Holy Grail. I'm Indiana Jones and I never know if my quest will end in a booby trap (quite literally, when I was breastfeeding) or in the bewildering din of some restless natives (read: my children, who apparently sacrificed their need for sleep to the sugar gods). When I do see a sliver of opportunity, I'd gladly swig monkey brain soup to get to it. Stretchy jeans are comfortable enough to catch shut-eye anywhere, anytime.
I mean, that's progress. If it weren't for stretchy jeans, I'd probably be rolling through the school drop-off line in legit pajama bottoms. Or sweatpants. Stretchy jeans make me feel like I'm trying, even though I have Fruit Loops in my hair and haven't showered in two days. No, three. No, two. Definitely two. Maybe?
Gone are the days when I had hours to plan my daily wardrobe decisions. Time is a hot commodity when you're a mother, and if you spend too much of it (or mental energy) on coordinating an outfit, it could cause a punctuality avalanche... i.e. I'll never make it on time to anything for the rest of the day. Stretchy jeans match pretty much any top I've got and — bonus! — they even manage to make that super-cozy billowy blouse I overwear look polished.
Let's get this straight — moms are actually the major trendsetters here. We were espousing the virtues of stretchy jeans long before some hipsters came along and declared them a fad. Having said that, I'm glad everyone now recognizes the brilliance in the logic of denim that moves with your body yet still manages to hold its shape beautifully.
Stretchy jeans are the seemingly impossible marriage of form and function for moms on the go. It's as though yoga pants and mom jeans met, fell in love, got married and had little denim babies. I get to look stylish and still be able to tuck my mommy muffin top (totally natural) into the top of my pants, Spanx-style. That, my friends, is called winning.
This post was brought to you by Signature by Levi Strauss & Co.™.
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