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7 Great reasons to hate strapless bras

Lisa Fogarty

by

Lisa Fogarty

Lisa Fogarty has written numerous articles for USA Today, The Stir, Opposing Views and other publications. She has covered everything from red carpet events to the discovery of toxic PCBs on school windows. She lives on Long Island, N.Y....

If we didn't need strapless bras so badly, we'd burn them

If your standard bra is like "boob jail," to quote Zooey Deschanel's character on New Girl, then strapless bras are the guillotine.

They never fit correctly. They leave weird red marks below our breasts. And they can barely do the one job they've been assigned, judging by the number of times we have to lift our bosoms up while wearing that darling strapless sundress.

So, why do we keep coming back to the torture device known as the strapless bra when our relationship with it is clearly an unhealthy one in which we get so little back for our loyalty? Well, sadly, unless you have perfectly perky breasts that can actually stand up using adhesive body bra tape (and if you do, why aren't you just letting it all hang out?) women haven't been given many other options.

Here are seven of the many challenges we face when trying to shop for or go about our merry way while wearing a strapless bra.

1. They never come in sizes larger than a D

If we didn't need strapless bras so badly, we'd burn them

Image: Giphy

And, if you have large breasts, you will never find one that actually minimizes your bust size because you need straps for that. Don't even try complaining to your small-breasted friends, who will roll their eyes and tell you how lucky you are to have such "problems."

2. Once you finally buy one, you realize it doesn't even work

Image: Giphy

You spend no less than $40 on a strapless bra only to realize it doesn't dip low enough for your sexy low-back strapless dress.

More: Everything you need to know about seamless vs. seamed bras

3. Of course, there's always a corset-style strapless bra if you need more support

Image: Giphy

If you want to relive a day in the horrifically uncomfortable life of a woman from 1754.

4. Getting push-up support is nearly impossible

If we didn't need strapless bras so badly, we'd burn them

Image: Giphy

Thankfully, there are push-up strapless bras, but compared to traditional push-up bras, they fall a little flat.

5. And there's that whole uniboob problem thanks to strapless bralettes

If we didn't need strapless bras so badly, we'd burn them

Image: Giphy

That moment of horror when you get home from a hasty shopping trip and discover you accidentally purchased a bandeau bra that will make you look like you have a "uniboob."

More: Dita Von Teese proves nursing bras can be stone cold sexy

6. Dancing in a strapless bra requires extra training

Image: Giphy

This is what it's like to try and dance while wearing a strapless bra that slips every time you lift your arms.

7. Finally, you decide to try a convertible bra to get more bras in one

Image: Giphy

You figure it will do the job of four different bras, but when you get it home, you can't make heads or tails of where one strap begins and another ends.

Proof that the strapless bra is a modern-day torture device.

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