Safety tips for Cyber Dating

Web dating
the smart way
Ashtyn Evans

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Women (and men) are finding their dates on the Internet more than ever. What may have once seemed scary or geeky is now completely commonplace. And why not? It is far easier for the busy woman on the go to make and check a profile, meet a guy, and set up a date than to simply hope for the chance encounter with Mr Right!
Woman at a web cafe
While nothing is wrong with dating someone you met online first, there are some things that you need to consider before jumping into anything that you cannot get yourself out of.

There are a number of tips that can help you date safely. In the end, there are going to be risks in dating. It doesn’t matter if you met the guy online or in a supermarket. All you can do is take some safety precautions and think smart, just in case. The following tips should help you if you are interested in cyber dating.

Don't trust someone instantly

People have the ability to seem incredible online, and you might think you’ve met the catch of the century. He might advertise himself as being tall, handsome, affluent and in his twenties... however, until you meet him in person, you can't be sure. Don't fall too hard for someone you have not yet met in real life.

For all you know, that hot-looking man could be a woman -- or "self-employed" may mean he earns his keep sitting on a street corner holding a hat. The point is, until you meet the person and get to know him -- you really never know what you're going to get.

Be careful about the information you give out and when

You should always be wary of giving out any of your personal information online, because you don’t know who could end up with it. (You should not give out your address ever.) Avoid things like full names, cell phone numbers, and information about your specific location or where you work. It’s much better to say you are "a customer service rep" or "pastry chef" as opposed to saying where you hold that particular job. Those little seemingly benign nuggets of information can add up to a pretty complete overview of your life!

Call him -- don’t let him call you

When it comes time for the first call, ask him for his phone number. If he has caller ID, he will get your number when you ring him up unless you take steps to block your number (though you can also block his calls later on if need be). This gives you a chance to get to know him better, but still retain a comfortable safety level.

Trust your gut

If for any reason you begin feeling uncomfortable, then you need to trust those feelings. If you are talking for some time and notice inconsistencies in his story -- or if it's simply a nagging feeling in your gut, then you should just thank the man for his time and part ways. This will save you a lot of trouble in the long run.

Meet in public

Yes, you've heard it before, but you'd be surprised what some women ultimately do: When it comes time to meet in person, make sure that your first meeting -- and at least a few subsequent ones -- are in public.

Here are some more safety tips:
  • Do not let him pick you up from home or work. In fact, don't get in a car alone with him to go anywhere!
  • You should meet him at the site of your date -- not at your home or place of work. (You probably shouldn't meet at any places you frequent, either, just in case he has hidden stalker tendencies.)
  • Don’t bring him home with you until you have had a several dates. Don't rush.
  • Tell a good friend the name of the person you will be with and where you're going.
  • Tell that same friend that you will call at a certain time -- and make sure that you call. If you don’t get in touch as planned, tell your friend will be able to assume that you are in some kind of trouble and ask her to call you. (Come up with a code word or phrase to use if you're in a tight spot.)
  • Keep your cell phone on at all times, and make sure that at least your 911 GPS tracking is enabled.
Dating online does not have to be dangerous. Just use some common sense, be careful and enjoy your time meeting new people!

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About the author: Ashtyn Evans is a professional blogger who lives with her family in Michigan. In addition to being a part of the SheKnows community, Ashtyn helps to co-run a popular media, news and opinions blog: Literary Illusions. Ashtyn is a resident sexpert among her friends, and currently is in college to become a sex therapist.


Comments
By renlulu Jul 17, 2008

I have got a friend on cougarkiss.C O M a kind of friendship site I have many friends on it ! the man is young and handsome and the woman is charming and rich !!you may have a try if you want to have a happy time !!

By WINICK ORENGE Jul 17, 2008

I is always advisable to take your time and I think that is the best policy.But once you are aware just take the immediate act.

By Joel Jul 4, 2008

Being smart is easier said than done, because being single I know how we all tend to see what we want to see and being prudent is not always the way we lean. The trick I use is to date with references and skip the whole "blind and anonymous" crap. I use Sparkbliss[dot]com because it not only keeps your data private and the experience discreet, but it leverages your trusted circle of friends to do your bidding and provide references and testimonials. That is how I deal with the "safe" question. If she isn't a friend of a friend of some sort, I'm taking a pass.

By ninibearkiss Jul 4, 2008

Thanks for post! I am on a online dating site now. Your tips are really helpful. And I think I need to be more careful since the site is called AFFLUENTMEET .Well, from the name, you know it's a dating community for rich people. I am not a gold-digger since I am, to some extent,a successful lady owning my business. I just want to meet a talented and kind man to share my life. Actually, I am also a little confused about myself. Maybe I need to think twice what I really want. Well, thanks again, your tips. Hope more nice ideas will be available.

By Nick Jul 4, 2008

I always had my own set of safety tips, which I have been offering on my dating site Free Online Dating Servce. They are: Tip #1: Keep Your Personal Information Private Unless you know who you're dealing with, do not provide your personal information such as full name, address, and phone number. This will ensure your physical safety. Most people are harmless and genuine about seeking a partner in love, but the Web is full of individuals with ill intentions. This is not to say that these individuals migrate or pray on our site, but common sense in any arrangement must be applied. This same advice would hold true for meeting someone through the newspaper personals and other options. Tip #2: Carefully Choose Your Online Name If you are female and you intend to spend your time online in various chat rooms or signing up for various free e-mail accounts and you don't want to invite sexual innuendo or the virtual equivalent of a whistle and an uninvited sexual reference, then choose a gender neutral name. Of course, if your intention is to invite advances from men, then choose a feminine name, but be prepared for an onslaught of advances. This tip doesn't apply to women only, though, as the Web is full of very assertive women who will target nicks of the male variety. By choosing a gender-neutral identity online, you afford yourself the option of revealing your gender identity (or more) when you're comfortable in doing so. Tip #3: Have Your Wits About You When Meeting in Real Life If and when you decide to meet your online friend, don't go alone. Bring a group of friends along with you and schedule your meeting during the day and in a public place. The person you are meeting, if they are worthwhile, will agree to your request to meet in the safest possible surroundings. Tip #4: Trust Your Instincts To many of us don't trust our instincts and betray them, often to our own detriment. Our instincts are always trying to tell us something. Learn to trust your instincts. If something about your online encounters feels uncomfortable, you can almost bet that an in-person encounter will feel the same. With this in mind, don't lead someone on in e-mail. If you get an immediate sense that they are not your type, let them know politely by giving them the digital equivalent of "let's just be friends." If you lead someone on and their emotions get the best of them, there will be trouble. If they persist even after you have proclaimed disinterest, ignore them. This includes their repeated e-mails. If this doesn't work, retain their messages and forward them to their online service provider. It is rare that situations ever get to this point, but if they do, retaining such information will assist you should you ever have to take further action. Tip #5: DO NOT be Weary of Totally Free Personals Services Sure, there are an abundance of free personals services across the Web. Many of the larger Web directories offer such services. When a service is entirely free, be cautious of the quality of the individuals with whom you correspond. Free services are easy targets for devious or insincere types because of that fact: they're free. More often than not, individuals who opt for a pay service are usually seeking quality, not only in the service itself, but in the other people who also participate. We pride ourselves as beeing free, but we also pride ourselves with the fact that we provide quality profiles. Tip #6: Please, follow the following rules! Communicate first via E-mail Then contact the person via Phone Then meet via web cam or other visual manner Then meet in real life

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