Ask the Expert"That's a woman who is completely comfortable with her own body," he went on. "See? Even her breasts are real." (Being the President of the local Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee, this is something of a sore spot with me. I have to admit, real breasts are practically as rare as hen's teeth, horse feathers or shaggy pits these days.)
I thought no more on the subject, but then shortly after the Grammys there was a letter in Entertainment Weekly from Paula herself, chiding the magazine's photo editor for airbrushing the hair from her armpits ---- "Cowards!" ---- in a feature they had run about her. The editors jokingly replied that they had mistaken the fuzz for a smudge, and ran the photo again, unretouched. It did look like a smudge.
Then the radio station I listen to took a poll, asking its listeners what they thought of Ms. Cole's shunning of the Schick. "It looked like Buckwheat in a headlock," drawled one of the more politically incorrect respondents (and what might this cretin think if they knew Paula was dating a black man? Burn a cross of braided hair on her front lawn?). Other folks called in to say they thought it was "gross," "disgusting," "filthy," and so on. Of course, they had no basis or explanation for these thoughts; I suspect they just liked hearing their voices on the air.
I couldn't help but notice the majority of those comments came from women; men were less inclined to condemn. Some men don't find unshaven underarms offensive at all. In fact, some men find the whole bohemian thing rather sexy. Staying with Ms. Cole for just moment longer, check out this concert review, which was written by a man: "She sings, postures, prances like a spirited pony. She is a wonder to behold ---- pure sexuality, energy, physical beauty and strength. She wore almost no makeup, yet had an earth-toned, transcendent glow. Adding to the au naturål image, she wore no bra, didn't recently shave her armpits, had light fuzz on her forearms which were accented by the stage lighting, was adorned by no jewelry except for a very tiny stud pin through her right nostril and a thin gold bracelet on the left wrist."
Does anyone out there remember those pre-rock goddess Madonna photos that ran in Penthouse several years back? There was a similar clamor from the public at discovering the naked truth: Madonna had chia pits. The horror, the horror!
I became more curious. What is the fascination with armpit hair? I decided to jump on the Information Superhighway to see what I could see. No surprise here: I saw a lot of porn sites coming up on my search. Yes ladies, there is a fetish for everything. Ever seen the XXX video, "Hirsute Lovers II - Women Without Razors"? How about the Hairy Women of the World website's own "Greatest Hits"? (Neither have I, but take my word for it: they do exist and you can buy them on the Net for $49.99. They take Visa and Mastercard.)
When I refined my search keywords, I came up with a real potpourri of sites. On one of them, I learned that sometimes people shave for religious reasons. For example, in Islam, there are five (for the five pillars of Islam: salaat, zakaat, hajj, roza and jihad) items that are prescribed for attaining the whole "cleanliness is next to Godliness" thing. They are: 1) removing the pubic hair; 2) removing the foreskin from the male sex organ or circumcision; 3) cutting of the nails; 4) trimming the mustache/beard, and 5) removing the underarm hair.
Here in America, we shave for cultural reasons. It's peer pressure, plain and simple.
I think we have a strange love/hate relationship with hair. We spend millions of dollars annually on Nair, EpiLady, waxes, electrolysis, and endure painful tweezing. Slick checkout magazines like Cosmo, et al, help us figure out what to buy to eradicate this hair, and how to use it. But at the same time, we want the hair on our heads to be blonder, brighter, thicker, fuller and longer.
On the other side of this love/hate thing, all kinds of hair seems to be on the outs for men. Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck long ago shaved their famous mustaches. Rip Hamilton, Orlando Bloom and Jason Lewis cut their much-lauded locks short. Billy Zane bares his baldness, beaming in interviews. And let's face it, would we want to see a man with hair on his back? Even the Al Pacino character from Donnie Brasco would have to say, "Fuggetaboutit!"
And the same, apparently, goes for a woman with shaggy armpits. What's so bad about it, really? It is natural, after all. A lot of European women don't shave, and they don't smell any different than us Americanos. I speak from experience: I've ridden in the crowded Metro in Paris, and not once was my probocis bent out of shape.
Contrary to popular belief, you don't sweat any more in the unshaven state. In fact, some people find a little sweat sexy (Keith Sweat, anyone?). According to pop-anthropologist Desmond Morris' research, fresh and healthy armpit secretions are actually a strong sexual stimuli. Not only do the ingredients of our perfumes reflect that fact, but so do some old folk customs: at village dances, young men would tuck a handkerchief into their sweaty armpit, then wave it under the noses of the girls they wished to seduce as they danced. If you'll notice, many folk dances employ the use of flourishing handkerchiefs ---- and tha's why.
So, I did my research and I listened to the people who said, "It's the pits." I drew my own conclusions: I honestly don't see anything wrong with it at all. It's not gross or gauche in any way. I think a woman who is secure enough with herself to go on national television in all her unshaven glory, is a woman to be admired.
Having said all that, I must admit... I'm not going to be the bold one to break through the barrier in my neighborhood and "let my hair down" in a spaghetti-strap top this summer!
